A Series of Unfortunate Events

I've had this blog for nearly a year now. When I started, I was full of motivation and ready to make some changes. I've had some personal setbacks throughout the year, as did most of Nashville. Let me tell you, the Noah's Ark jokes got old reeeeeeally quickly. With each speed bump, I managed to recover and try to keep a positive attitude. However, the last few months have been quite a challenge for me. The hits just seem to keep on coming, and I'm ending the year shell-shocked and limping across the 2010 finish line.

In late August/early September, my sister had a health crisis. She's been battling illness for many years since a Lupus diagnosis at the age of 15. I could go into all of the other diagnoses that have stemmed from that, but I'd need several blog posts to accomplish this. Anyway, she developed some internal bleeding that kept her in one hospital or another for a couple of weeks. It was obviously stressful for the whole family. The bleeding stopped somehow, and we never got answers as to why or how it all began. We thought she was on the road to recovery, but just a couple of days ago, she began experiencing numbness and memory loss, which made us suspect some sort of stroke. She is hospitalized once again; I pray she doesn't have to spend her Christmas there.

A couple of weeks after my sister's initial crisis, we experienced the nightmare of Pierce's disappearance (If you haven't read it already, details are in the post "Every Parents Worst Nightmare"). This set us on a journey we weren't ready to take. Realizing he was oblivious to the dangers around him and faced with very low test scores, we came to the realization that Pierce would not be attending college one day; instead, we needed to place him in Life Skills classes that would prepare him to, hopefully, live on his own one day. Just when we thought he understood how dangerous his wandering had been, we had another scary incident in October. He was upset about something at church, and ran out of his Sunday School classroom. After searching for some time, a member of our church pulled up in the parking lot with Pierce in her car. She had seen him in the Chic-Fil-A parking lot down the road from the church, and she coaxed him into her car with candy and toys. Within a couple of days, I got Pierce in to see a Pediatric Neurologist. She started him on anti-anxiety medication. We're still working on getting him on the right dosage. I can't even begin to convey how emotional this has been for our whole family.

Tim's job has been both a blessing and a curse. We're so very thankful that he has found work in our still struggling economy. Construction is an industry that has yet to fully recover here in Nashville. That being said, we've had almost too much work lately. In the meantime, the remodeling we've done on this very old house has begun to fail, and we've been faced with some home repairs of our own. When Tim comes home exhausted from working all day with some very needy clients on the problems with their homes, what do you think is the LAST thing he wants to think about? I'm sure you can imagine what a strain this has been on our home life.

Last week, I went on a field trip with Reagan's chorus. I was gone for all of two hours. When I came home and walked into our living room, I noticed our TV was gone. I walked back into the kitchen and could see into our bonus room. The glass in our back door had been smashed. We'd been robbed. They took computers, wii, xbox, nearly all of the games for both, cable motem and routers, an old video camera, and two pieces of jewelry: a broach belonging to my great-grandmother and Tim's wedding ring. This wasn't our first break-in. Almost five years ago, Reagan and I came home to find a man and his girlfriend ransacking our house. They were never caught. We've made an insurance claim, but there's a $1000 deductible. I wasn't through with our Christmas shopping, and now I have to spend money on replacing stuff these crooks stole. They didn't just take our stuff, though. They dealt me a final, crippling blow to my emotional state so that I'm ready to climb into a hole and hibernate for the remainder of winter. To add insult to injury, we celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary this past Sunday with a fender-bender due to snowy/icy roads. UNCLE!!!

I'm really sorry that the final blog post of the year is so very negative. Quite the contrast to my last post, huh? I figure I'm among friends, though, and if you can't be honest with those you love, then just what kind of friends are they? If I had a message, I guess it would be this: Be kind to everyone you encounter this Christmas season. You have no idea what kind of burdens they are carrying. In the immortal words of Tiny Tim, "God bless us, everyone!" I'm praying for a kinder, gentler 2011. How about you?

My Cup Runneth Over

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I thought it only fitting that I list just a few of the things I'm thankful for. Nearly two years ago (can't believe it's been that long!), Tim lost his job, and I wrote a series of notes on Facebook listing some of my blessings. It was such a comforting exercise; I encourage everyone to do it sometime when you're feeling pessimistic or that life just isn't treating you fairly. Maybe I should make this a regular feature...

1. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and one day, he will take me away from all of the pain in this world and home to his Father.

2. I have a wonderful husband who loves God, me and his children. He loves me more than I deserve, even when I am completely unlovable.

3. I have two great kids. Yes, Pierce's autism is a challenge for us daily, but this kid loves like no other kid I know. Reagan is the happiest, nicest, most compliant child you can imagine. I am so blessed to be their mom.

4. Every day, the four of us are able to get out of bed healthy and happy.

5. We have very little debt. Our mortgage is paid off! My car is too, but now we're looking at a new car, so that's about to change. Oh well, on with the positive stuff!

6. I have parents that love me and punished me when I needed it. They taught me about the love of Jesus. They pray for me, Tim and the kids every day. And, even though they are far away, they are some pretty great grandparents to my two kids!

7. I have a sister that has defied the odds, and continues to fight a critical illness every single day. She enjoys encouraging others, even when she feels she doesn't have anything to give. I love her bunches!

8. I have a fabulous mother-in-law. She lavishes me with praise to the point that I have a hard time believing I'm as great as she thinks I am. She's the reason Tim is as awesome as he is!

9. I have a sister-in-law that is a great inspiration to me. She has overcome adversity and continues to grow into a wonderful person. She's a fantastic mom to my niece, Elise!

10. I have my "hens"; my Steel Magnolias bestest of best friends who would do anything for me and I for them.

11. We are part of a great church. Even more important, we are part of a small group/life group that I love.

12. I have finally found an outlet for my love of singing; a place where I feel somewhat talented and have something to contribute. I love the Metro Nashville Chorus (and my quartet, Simplicity)!

13. I have a roof over my head. Though I have my complaints about the constant projects and repairs that come along with a fixer-upper, my family has a place to call "home". There's air in the summer, heat in the winter, electricity and indoor plumbing. There are so many people that would love to have it as good as my family does.

14. I have never known hunger.

15. All four of us have closets full of clothes.

16. I live in America. We are free to worship whatever god we choose.

17. We have men and women that fight for that and many other freedoms every single day. I don't think we can thank them enough.

18. Pierce has been in school since he was three-years-old, and every year, we've had awesome teachers and educational aides. They genuinely care about my son, and do all that they can to help him. Reagan's had great teachers, too!

19. I'm actually pretty good at growing things.

20. I would not have chosen to be a mom of a special needs child. However, I now have knowledge and insight that I can use to help other families that are walking the same path.

I know I can go on and on, but I want to get this posted, so I'm going to stop here for now. Positivity is not a quality I exude; it takes some work for me. I need to work harder to be thankful all year round and not just because a date on the calendar inspires the country to do so. I hope you will join me. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

The Bucket List

I haven't really had anything thought-provoking to say lately, so I thought I'd write something a little more fun. I have not seen the movie, but it seems "The Bucket List" has inspired a lot of people to make up their own list of things they want to accomplish before they die. I am no exception. The items on my list are in no particular order. I'm just writing them down as I think of them. Some are serious, some silly and frivolous. Maybe one or two of them are pipe dreams. Lots of places I want to see. Here goes!

1. Hear my children accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and watch their father baptize them

2. Watch my daughter get married

3. Hold a grandbaby

4. Celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary

5. Set Pierce up in his own place and help him cash a paycheck

6. See my sister completely healed

7. Have every project in this house DONE

8. Have every square inch of our 4-acres look beautiful and worthy of a garden tour (or wedding)

9. Relearn the piano (I took for 8 years, and can't remember a thing! Tragic, really.)

10. Become a professional photographer

11. Become a Master Gardener

12. Use my love of gardening and photography to start my own business

13. Have all of my pictures in albums, complete with stories and historical family events documented

14. See the Grand Canyon

15. Help decorate a Rose Bowl Parade float

16. Go to Italy

17. See Europe's oldest, most beautiful gardens (like Monet's)

18. Go to Hawaii

19. Have a screened-in porch

20. Have a greenhouse

21. Read all of the literary classics

22. Watch every movie on the American Film Institute Top 100 list

23. Go to Paris in the spring

24. Go to the tulip festival in Amsterdam

25. Go to the National Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington, DC

26. Take a Mediterranean cruise

27. Learn how to ballroom dance

28. Hybridize a plant (probably a sunflower, iris or daylily)

29. Have a house-cleaning robot like Rosie from The Jetsons

30. Know that cancer, diabetes, autism, alzheimer's, lupus and heart disease have been cured

31. Help families with special needs children either by being an Educational Aide in the school system or by being a parent advocate that attends IEP meetings

32. Research my ancestry; find out if there are any long-lost relatives out there

33. Write a barbershop arrangement of a popular song

34. Go to a DCI (Drum Corp International) World Championship Finals competition

35. Take The Sound Of Music tour in Salzburg. I want to spin on the mountain and belt out, "The hills are alive..."

36. See the National Holocaust Museum

37. See the 9/11 memorial in NYC

38. See The Nutcracker in NYC

39. Grow gladiolas as beautiful as my grandmother's

40. Find the fat kid that I teased at the Fast Fare on Reidville Road when I was 12 and beg him to forgive me

41. Attend an opera at the Sydney Opera House

42. Have a painting done of one of my gardens, or learn to do it myself

43. Have my very own waterfall or other similar water feature

44. Make it through my entire life without a cavity. I'd really love to avoid any kind of dental work.

45. Be able to use floo powder or be "beamed up". I hate to fly, and I'm not fond of long car trips, either. That's going to be an obstacle with all of the places I want to see on my list. Hmmm.

46. Go to a showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" at the Belcourt Theater

47. Tour Pixar studios

48. Visit all 50 states

49. See the bright lights of Las Vegas

50. Tour a real castle

When I do "kick the bucket", I don't want my pale, worn-out, VERY DEAD body to be displayed for people to walk past and politely admire saying, "She sure does look good, doesn't she?". I want to be cremated, and I want my memorial service to be joyful. I want pictures of me with my family and friends, doing the things I loved. I've been told I have a memorable laugh, so if you can find video or audio of me laughing, that would be lovely. If MNC is still singing "Goodbye, World, Goodbye", I want them there to sing it. Otherwise, use the track on our upcoming CD (shameless plug).

POST SCRIPT: I didn't want to publish this post until I got 50 items on my list, but I've somehow managed to surpass my goal. I'm up to 62 now, so I'm going to see if I can get up to 100! I'll bring you the rest of my list in a future post.

Don't Stand So Close To Me

Personal space is the region surrounding a person which they regard as psychologically their own. If you know me pretty well, you know that I have issues with personal space. Let's just say my "bubble" is bigger than the average person's. Friends have quite a bit of fun teasing me about this quirk of mine. While some think it's funny and just a part of who I am, others are filled with questions. How did I get this way? Was I never hugged as a child? How can I be married (and have produced 2 children) when my need for personal space is so great? Do I have a problem being intimate with my husband? Do I hug my children? Truthfully, I can't answer the "why". For the most part, my parents and sister enjoy hugging. I just remember myself feeling a little prickly and not really wanting to hug a lot. My mom says it started in my teens. I think I began to feel it more when I started having kids. I began to feel like my body wasn't my own any more, and I started to become more protective of it.

An anthropologist by the name of Edward T. Hall coined the term Proxemics in 1966. This is the study of set measurable distances between people as they interact. There are 4 different distances in which to interact: intimate distance, personal distance, social distance, and public distance. I will try to explain these and the way they directly relate to me. Intimate distance is for embracing, touching or whispering. Hall says this circle can be between less than 6in.-18 inches around a person. There are 3 people that I allow into this space on a regular basis: Tim, Pierce and Reagan. I hug and kiss my kids daily. And Tim and I, well, you know... Even with my family though, I have limits. I can't stand when the kids hover around me while I'm sitting on the couch. I can't sleep at night if Tim is touching me. We have a queen-sized bed; I don't think we could fit a king-sized bed into the room or we'd have one. I so love those vacation nights in giant hotel beds; so roomy! When Tim is away from home, I sleep GREAT. One thing I can't quite figure out is my love of massage. A masseuse definitely violates my personal space, but I enjoy that deep pressure that works out all of my neck and shoulder kinks. It does creep me out to feel their hair brush up against me or their breath on my neck. I also enjoy pedicures. Since the nail tech is working on my feet and is nowhere close to my face I'm okay. I don't care for facials or makeovers much. Those people get all up in my grill and make me very uncomfortable.

Personal distance is between 1.5-4 feet around a person. This space is for good friends or family members. I am definitely at the far end of the spectrum. I don't hug my best friends or family members unless I haven't seen them in months. That's just an understanding among us. When my "hens" gather together, I can't stand cramming 3 or 4 of us on a couch. I usually take the big recliner so there are no violations. Same goes for the rest of my family. I feel claustrophobic squished between two people; no matter if you're my mom or some casual acquaintance.

Social Distance is between 4-12 feet. This space is for interaction with acquaintances. Again, my "invisibubble" is a large one. It was pretty well known at the church we attended for several years that I'm not a hugger. So, I didn't have to worry about that much every Sunday. Even in the Sunday School class full of people that I loved, I usually spaced the chairs out a little further so I wouldn't be touching the person next to me. Most times, I put my purse and bible on the empty seat beside me as a buffer. Now, we're at a new church home. Fortunately, I haven't encountered many people that consider hugging an appropriate greeting. The 3-year-olds that I work with lack personal space boundaries, but I think I've handled the stress pretty well so far. The group that has challenged me the most, though, is chorus. These girls LOVE to hug. On the night I was initiated, I was hugged by about 30 women. Lord have mercy! The word has slowly trickled out about my anti-hugging policy, so accommodations have been made. Some give me the fist-bump, some give me the hand-hug that I learned recently. Sometimes, though, I just have to grin and bear it!

Public Distance is between 12-25 feet or more. This space is for interactions with strangers in public places. I can not STAND line-crowders. I should not have to feel your buggy in my back while I'm waiting in line at the register. I tend to avoid crowded places in general. I know I'll save more money at the packed Walmart, but I'd prefer to go to the less-populated Target. I hate full elevators. Thank God I don't live in a huge city where I'd regularly have to use public transportation like a subway. I could see how one would become agoraphobic in New York City. I read recently about Cuddle Parties. Complete strangers getting together to hug and touch each other (non-sexually). Just reading about it gave me the heebie-jeebies! It sounds like my version of Hell, if you ask me.

I know I'm weird. There are others like me. In fact, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, I can think of 3. At the same time, I know there are lots of people out there that crave physical touch. If you REALLY need a hug from me, I will suck it up and oblige. But, will you extend the same courtesy and refrain from touching me unless absolutely necessary? Thanks.

Every Parent's Worst Nightmare

Taken 2 days after the incident. 

You can see the band-aid on his knee due to being tackled to the ground.

By now, most of you that read this blog have heard about the horrifying events of this past weekend. Since it is still dominating my thoughts, of course it is the subject of this week's post. I'm going to retell the story and add in a few of the details I left out when I wrote a note about the incident on Facebook. This is a pretty lengthy post.

On the afternoon of Saturday, September 18th, my son, Pierce, wanted to ride his bike. As you all know, our son is autistic. He normally rides in the driveway or makes laps around the house and yard. We thought he understood that he was not to leave the house. At 4:45pm, my husband, Tim, and I were in the living room while Pierce rode outside. Twenty minutes later, it was time for me to pick up my daughter, Reagan, at a play date. I went outside and didn't see Pierce or his bike. I only felt a very slight panic, because I assumed he was in the yard somewhere playing (we have about 4 acres of property). I ran over to a couple of spots in the yard (swing set, trampoline), but didn't see him. The panic increased slightly. I ran back into the house and told Tim that Pierce wasn't in the driveway or playing in the yard. He figured Pierce was in the yard somewhere, so he told me to go pick Reagan up and he would look for Pierce. On the way, I had my cell phone in my hand. I knew Tim would call me the minute he found Pierce, so I could stop panicking. The phone wasn't ringing. I called his cell; no answer. I got to Kaylee's (Reagan's friend) house. I chatted with her mom, April, while Reagan got her stuff together. I was there about five minutes, when my cell phone finally rang. Relieved, I answered, just sure that Tim had found Pierce and all was well. "Did you find him?", I asked. "NO", was Tim's answer. Tim had gotten in his car and driven around some areas close by, and was coming up empty. Now, I was pretty panicked. I hung up and told Reagan to get in the car: We had to go NOW. I told April that Pierce was missing. She wanted me to keep her posted. We flew home. Reagan was very worried and scared. I told her that we needed to go home to make sure Daddy and Pierce weren't there and to lock up the dog that I was certain Tim had not had time to deal with. Then we would go look for Pierce. I got the dog put in her crate and was running back to the car when Tim drove up without Pierce. It was about 5:35pm. It was time to call 911. Tim left again while I talked to the operator. She asked his age, at which time I told her that Pierce was 12 and autistic. She asked what color shirt he was wearing: orange. She asked what color pants and I started to cry: "I don't know!". When I started crying, Reagan did, too. I knew I had to try to keep it together so that I didn't freak her out even more. I was told the police were on the way. I began calling family and friends and begging them for prayers. My family was frantic. They began posting urgent prayer requests on Facebook. One of my hens said she and her husband were on the way over to help. Tim got back home before the cops arrived...and he still hadn't found Pierce. That's when I really lost it. It took the police about 10 minutes to get here. By that time, it had been one hour since we saw Pierce last. When an officer finally arrived, I gave information while Tim left again. He asked me for a description of Pierce. Reagan had the presence of mind to remember the school ID with Pierce's picture on it hanging by the front door. She gave it to the officer. Another officer arrived. He began searching the property; Reagan looked, too. I could hear information about Pierce being passed along over the police radio. I called April (the mom of Reagan's friend) and told her that Pierce was still missing. She offered to help look, and I asked if I could send Reagan back with her. April arrived, and she asked for a picture of Pierce. I couldn't believe I hadn't been passing those out! I found the stack of pictures from summer camp. I don't know April very well, but I started sobbing and she hugged me and assured me that Pierce would be found. She took Reagan and Kaylee to her mother's house so that she and Kaylee's dad could go out and search. Tim came home again. We needed to call someone from our church, but there was a retreat for our church families going on out at Henry Horton State Park. We didn't know who was there and who was home. A couple from our life group was at the retreat, but we didn't know if they'd have a cell phone signal at the park. Tim looked up some numbers, and I had just entered the number of the couple from life group into my cell phone and pushed send, when the police sergeant called me over, so I hung up. "This is what you've got to do", he says. "We've found your son. He's on the interstate." I began to freak out, but he said, "There's no time to freak out! The police are trying to get traffic stopped, but he's scared and frantic, and we need you out there NOW to calm him down. Get in you car NOW and follow the officer out there!". I went inside and yelled for Tim. We jumped in the car and took off. It was 6:30pm. I don't know why they couldn't just take us out there in a police car. My theory is that they needed Pierce to see my car as a way to help calm him. We very quickly realized that this officer was clueless as to which direction on the interstate he needed to go. We had to make a U-turn. I gagged quite a few times, I really thought I was going to throw up or hyperventilate. My friends called to tell us they had arrived at the house, and we told them what was going on. As we went further down the interstate, Tim and I couldn't believe this was right. Pierce couldn't possibly have gotten this far away from home. We topped a hill and saw a police barricade and a TDOT truck redirecting traffic. There were 2 lanes closed. I could see Pierce's bike propped up against the concrete barrier. Tim told me I needed to calm down before running over there, but the car had barely stopped moving before I jumped out. Pierce was in the back of a squad car, crying. I squatted down beside him and tried to comfort him. I could see a few scrapes, and there were indentations around his wrists where the officers had restrained him. An officer explained to Tim what happened. He was driving northbound on interstate 65 when he spotted Pierce driving his bike in the inside emergency lane (beside the concrete barrier) heading southbound. He stopped to talk to Pierce, but Pierce panicked. He then drove his bike across ALL 3 LANES OF 70 MILE AN HOUR TRAFFIC to the emergency lane on the other side. The cop followed him and tackled him, bike and all. When I heard this, my knees turned to jello, and I had to sit down. After a few minutes, the police decided he was calm enough to walk over to our car. They had a few more questions for us, then we were free to go. Our friends were waiting for us back at the house. Two of my hens had dropped everything to be there for me. They walked over and we had a big group hug. One of my hens had brought her husband to help look, and her 9-year-old daughter, Olivia, to keep Reagan company. Olivia said she really wanted to be there, though, to pray with us.

We are so very thankful to everyone that lifted us up in prayer during that time, and continue to pray for us today. We praise God for a happy ending, when it so very easily could have ended in tragedy. I sobbed through all of the praise music at church the next morning, especially the song "Mighty To Save". We were so freaked out at the idea of Pierce on the interstate, but Tim had a different perspective the next day. At least on the interstate, he was visible. If he had been riding in some random neighborhood, who knows how long it would have taken to find him? He was found one hour before dark. I still have a lot of questions. All I know is how this started and how it ended. I don't know how Pierce got from point A to point B, and he can't tell us. We hope to get the police report soon, but I don't know if any questions will be answered. Pierce is okay today. We've asked him a couple of times where he was trying to go, and he says he doesn't know. Reagan was pretty shaken up, so I asked if she wanted to talk to the school counselor. She did that on Monday. Tim and I are okay most of the time. I think we're still processing. This is a game changer. We have new issues to think about now. I thought the days of Pierce wandering off were behind us. These cases are all too common, but we never thought it would happen to us. I hope and pray none of you ever have to experience the fear that we did.

*UPDATE (9/17/11)--It is one year later. We still have never seen the police report, but I have gotten a little more information about what happened that day. There is an officer assigned to Pierce's school, "Officer Fowler". He's taken quite a liking to Pierce. He told me a few months after this happened that he had been listening to the police radio that day. He heard the description of the missing child, and thought it was awful, then he heard Pierce's name and couldn't believe it! I told him that I'd been wondering if people on the interstate that day had seen him, thought it was strange and called 911. Officer Fowler said that's exactly how the police were able to find him; there were drivers calling 911. Praise God! I wish I knew who these people were so I could thank them in person!!

I'm a bit shaky reading over this again, even though I've told this story numerous times over the last year. The listeners are always shocked, and they usually comment that they can't believe how calm I am telling it. I've had some time to process it, I guess. I never, ever want to feel that panic again.

Melissa's Meals Marathon: Part Two

A few of the dishes on this menu will need no prior preparation. As I said, I use Stouffer's lasagna (the 90 oz. party size). This makes enough to have leftovers the next night. I have 3 in the freezer that I bought on sale, so this gives me 6 meals. The popcorn chicken and biscuits are also prepackaged frozen food. I have 3 meals-worth of this in the freezer. A meal that's not on this menu but I also found on sale is Bertolli's Shrimp Scampi and Linguine. I love to add a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice as it cooks and serve it with some crusty bread. I bought two of those. The turkey on my menu I prefer to cook in the crock pot all day and serve that night. So I have a turkey in my freezer ready to go. Again, this is enough food to have leftovers the next night, so that counts as two meals. I also prefer to cook the 40 Cloves and a Chicken on the day-of, so I have a cut-up chicken (divided into two meals) in the freezer. Finally, one dish on my list I had made earlier in the week and had a lot leftover (Comforting Chicken Noodle Soup). So I divided that into two meals. Before I even start, I have the makings of 17 meals in the freezer!

My marathon actually started on Friday night. I put a pork loin roast (for barbecue) in my crock pot and let it cook overnight. At 7:00 Saturday morning, I drained off all of the fat, shredded the meat and added a bottle of barbecue sauce. It would need to cook for a couple more hours, but one dish was pretty much DONE! This batch of barbecue produced 4 meals. Next, I browned 4 pounds of ground beef for spaghetti and chili. I use half a pound for each meal. I don't make my own spaghetti sauce; I use (GASP!) a jarred variety from Aldi. The Tomato Basil is cheap, easy and tastes great; so sue me! I put 4 half-pounds of beef into 4 sandwich bags. I then put those into a large vacuum sealer bag. When we're having spaghetti, all I have to do is open a jar of sauce and zap that and the meat in the microwave, then cook some pasta. I divide the rest of the meat into 4 bags for chili and add beans, tomatoes and chili powder to each. I'll just thaw this and cook on the stove for dinner one night. Three dishes down, eleven more to go! If you're keeping score, that's 29 meals.

I boil the chicken I will need for Nana's Chicken Casserole and Mexican Casserole. I also boil the macaroni for my macaroni and cheese casserole. While those are cooking, I make cornbread (for the dressing we'll have with the turkey) and baked beans and put those into the oven. I then start the Stewed Beef in my electric skillet. It will need to simmer for a couple of hours. Once the macaroni is done, I start boiling my potatoes for Garlic Mashed Potatoes. I vacuum seal the macaroni and put that and a bag of shredded cheese in the freezer. I tried freezing the assembled casserole last time, and wasn't pleased with the results. So, I'll just put the thawed macaroni and cheeses together, add my eggs and milk and bake it on the day it will be served. I vacuum seal the cornbread. Since I use the broth from my turkey to make the dressing, and I add a couple of boiled eggs (something that does NOT freeze well), that's one dish that I can't make ahead. But, at least the cornbread is baked. I divide the baked beans into 2 meals (we'll have this with Barbecue).

I'm half-way through now, and I'm starting to drag a little. My back and knees are beginning to protest. It's very important to wear good shoes on cooking days. Since this is a "marathon", I wear my running shoes. They don't prevent all of the pain, but it's more manageable than it would be if I were wearing bedroom slippers, flip flops or going barefoot. On we go! With my chicken done, I can now assemble the casseroles. I'll have 4 Nana's Chicken Casseroles, and 2 Mexican Casseroles. The potatoes are done, so I can make the Garlic Mashed Potatoes. I divide this into 4 side dishes for our Italian Meatloaf. Once the Stewed Beef is done and cooled, I divide this up into 3 meals. I now have 38 meals!

I have four dishes left to prepare, and I'm very weary. After about 9 hours, I usually hit a wall. This is the point that I feel I just can't continue and I'm ready to hit the showers. But I know I'm almost done, so I press on. Next up is the Italian Meatloaf. This is a crock pot recipe, so I just mix the ingredients together and form the mixture into a loaf. This gets frozen and vacuum sealed, then I'll cook it the day-of. This will provide about 4 nights of food, because I can freeze slices when it's done to make sandwiches later. I've decided to have breakfast for dinner a couple of nights on this rotation, so I'll cook French Toast. I've never frozen this before, but I read a cooking blog that gave instructions on doing this, so I should have good results. I'll just thaw and reheat in the oven. I made enough for 2 meals. FINALLY, I'm down to the last 2 dishes. These take the longest to prepare, so I saved them for last. They both get cooked in my 12-inch skillet, so I have to make them one at a time. The first one is Chicken in Peanut Sauce. I need to cut my chicken into bite-size pieces then saute`. I have to wash a pound of green beans, trim them and then break into smaller pieces. This dish takes me about an hour to cook. When I'm done, I have 2 meals. Last, but not least, is Chicken Piccata. The reason this one takes so long is because I'm simultaneously making dinner for my children. This dish also gives me 2 meals. My grand total is 48 MEALS IN THE FREEZER!! We only get about 4 or 5 nights a week to have dinner at home because of our busy schedules (church, life group, chorus, dance and the occasional date night or girls night out), so these meals will last us about 3 months.

Yes, it is a LOT of hard work. But, when you look at how much time and money you can save by cooking in bulk, you'll see a huge payoff! I plan to post the other menus and more recipes to the blog from time to time.

Melissa's Meals Marathon: Part One

This weekend I did what I usually refer to as my Once-A-Month Cooking. This term was coined by a couple of ladies that wrote a book on the subject some years ago (see 2/24/10 post). I don't actually do it every month, so I sometimes call it Once-A-Quarter Cooking. I'm not in love with that label, so I've given it one of my own: Melissa's Meals Marathon. Catchy, no? Well, just humor me, then.

A few weeks ago, I spent some time organizing recipes, menus and shopping lists. When I listed all of the different meals I've prepared for my family (that they liked enough to have again), I came up with 45. In a previous post, I said there were 30 that I've successfully frozen. I guess I didn't include those things that I prepare the day of (pot roast, 40 cloves and a chicken, etc.) or prepackaged frozen meals (Stouffer's does an excellent job making lasagna, so I'd just prefer to use theirs instead of going to the trouble of making it from scratch). Our family's schedules are so busy, that one batch of meals usually ends up lasting nearly 3 months. So, I made up 4 different menus to last an entire year. There are about 6 meals that I put on every list because they're the kids (or mine and Tim's) favorites: spaghetti, popcorn chicken and biscuits, lasagna, Nana's chicken casserole, chili, and 40 cloves and a chicken. The remaining 40 meals I divided up into 4 menus; I ended up with 16 meals per menu (and a few side dishes). I then made a shopping list for each menu. Confused yet? The menu for this rotation is:

Spaghetti

Popcorn chicken, biscuits and corn

Lasagna

Nana's Chicken Casserole

Chili

40 Cloves and a Chicken

Turkey, Dressing and Mac and Cheese Casserole

Stewed Beef over Egg Noodles

Comforting Chicken Noodle Soup

Mexican Chicken Casserole

Meatloaf and Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Meatloaf sandwiches

Barbecue and Baked Beans

Chicken in Peanut Sauce over Rice Noodles

Chicken Piccata over Angel Hair Pasta

French Toast

I'll share the other menus and some recipes in future posts. My children will not eat most of the things on this menu. We learned early on with Pierce that food was one of those battles we'd be better off not fighting. By the time Reagan came along, I figured I might as well fix the same stuff for her that I was fixing for her brother. That's how I became a short order cook. Go ahead and criticize if you must. Anyway, the kids will eat spaghetti, popcorn chicken, lasagna, chicken casserole, french toast (well, Reagan will), and turkey, dressing and mac and cheese. I make enough of each dish to get at least 2 (sometimes 3 or 4!) meals. I spent around $260 on all of the groceries (I already had a lot of my staples and didn't need to purchase them this time). After 12 hours of cooking, I had 48 meals in varying stages of completion. Some of those just need to be reheated, some are ready for the crock pot, some I'll pop into the oven. According to my math, that's about $5.42 per meal! In Part Two, I'll take you through a timeline of my cooking marathon.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I'm touched that so many of you have asked when I'm going to get back to blogging, and that you're anxious to hear "the rest of the story". Well, it's been a long time coming, but here it is. I hope I don't disappoint you!

I need to back up a little bit and mention something very important that led us to choose Otter Creek as our new church home. I've said before that several friends that had once attended Antioch C of C (that's Church of Christ for you non-C of C-ers) had made the move to Otter Creek, so it was one of the first churches we chose to visit. We visited there twice before leaving Antioch; in December of 2008, Tim went with the kids while I was out-of-town one Sunday. In January of 2009, our whole family visited together. Before the very first visit, a friend of ours, Jeff, told one of the children's ministers that we were coming and had an autistic son. They were thrilled to have Pierce visit. After our second visit, this children's minister, Janet, flagged Jeff down in the parking lot after church to ask how Pierce (and the rest of the family) felt at OC. She wanted us to feel welcome there, and she wanted to know what she could do to be more accommodating. Jeff gave her our number, and Janet called that week. She asked me the same question. Even if we chose not to return, she wanted to know how she could help other kids like Pierce in the future at Otter Creek. This made a HUGE impression on me and Tim. This proved to us that the children's ministry at Otter Creek was more about "acceptance" than "tolerance", and it was just what we needed to hear.

So, now I'll fast forward to a year later. In January of 2010, Tim had just about had enough of my attitude regarding church. After a couple of heated discussions, Tim sent me an email one day outlining what he saw as our options. 1) I needed to get with the program and find a way to plug in at OC. 2) We needed to visit the church that a couple of my hens attended. 3) We should try a church that we'd visited a couple of times (another church that one of my hens attended). He made it very clear that he loved Otter Creek, but he couldn't stand to see me miserable any more and didn't want me to feel like I was "taking one for the team" by staying there. A week later, Tim and I had breakfast together to discuss these options. I continued to insist that it didn't matter where I was; I was going to be miserable unless a change happened within me. We left without any resolution being made. That afternoon while I was napping on the couch, the phone rang. It was the other children's minister at OC, Melanie. She remembered me asking her at a luncheon for prospective members last summer about whether or not OC had any other kids like Pierce. I had told her that day all about the support ministry I had been involved in at Antioch. Melanie told me that that conversation had been on her mind lately, and she felt as if she needed to do something. She thought that Otter Creek needed to be a place that welcomed ALL children, including those with special needs. She wanted my advice about starting a ministry that would accommodate kids with special needs and asked if there was any possibility I'd be free tomorrow morning to discuss this. I was completely stunned (not to mention a little foggy from my nap), but agreed to meet with her. From that moment, something began to change in me.

The next morning, while I was heading to the church, Tim was typing up his prayer for me and (unbeknownst to me) sending prayer requests to his closest buddies. I had many people petitioning God on my behalf. Before getting out of the car, I spent a minute or two in prayer as well. Melanie and I talked about some of the logistics, but she was certain that this was a ministry Otter Creek needed. She wanted me to help her start it. When I left that meeting, I had chills and even felt a little shaky. I called Tim immediately and asked just what exactly he'd been praying for me, because something was happening! I was so excited, I asked him to meet me for lunch. When I got home later, I found Tim's prayer in my inbox:

God,

I don't exactly know what to say in this prayer. You know the struggles that our family has faced in the last 18 months. We lost a church family, and Melissa especially feels like she has been let down by our brothers and sisters here. And I believe she feels like she let down the people at Antioch that she left behind, especially the families that we were working with in the support group. Lord, I ask for you to heal this wound in our lives. I don't know if my belief is right or not Lord, but I want to believe and to trust that thru this painful time, that you will open opportunities for Melissa to serve you and serve your people...especially children like our own son. I pray that Melissa's talk with Melanie will bear fruit for your kingdom, but I don't pretend to believe that I know how you might bring this about. Help us to put our trust in you, and be willing to use our passions that you have given to us in your service.

Only a couple of months later did I know that he had emailed his friend Jason, the husband of a hen, and asked him to be praying that day. Jason then told his wife, who told a couple of other hens.

Even now, trying to put this into words has been hard to explain. I feel as if a switch within me was flipped that week; that's the only way I know to describe it. I almost heard God's voice say to me, "You are home. This is why I brought you and your family here." Our family placed membership at Otter Creek Church Of Christ on Valentine's Day. Pretty soon, we joined a life group and started making connections. I even stepped out of my box a few months later and in one night volunteered for both the Praise Team and the Vespers chanters. What's that all about?! I can't lie and say I love all of the new-fangled "Praise and Worship" music, but I'm starting to appreciate it for what it is. A couple of months after we placed membership, a new family placed membership; they have a child with Cerebral Palsy. At about the same time, another Otter Creek family was getting a diagnosis of autism for their three-year-old son. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help these families. I still miss Antioch. I'll never forget the friends we left behind and all of the wonderful blessings we received there. But, the ache in my heart is gone. I finally feel peace and acceptance.

I'll Be Back

The summer has flown by! I can't believe that the first day of school is only a little over two weeks away. I've been chewing on some things, but I haven't found the time to blog. Some of that has to do with the fact that my children have taken over the computer for the summer. My dear, sweet husband got me an iPad, but typing anything longer than a status update on Facebook just isn't very feasible with a touch screen. When I am able to pry the computer away, I can't complete a thought due to the constant interruptions (I'll expand upon those in a bit). So, I'll get into the more thought-provoking subjects in a couple of weeks when I have (slightly) more peace and quiet. In the meantime, here are a few highlights of our summer.

On the very last day of school, I was checking on my vegetable garden when I heard a tiny cry. When I went to investigate, I found a very newborn kitten. He was all alone, dirty and covered with fleas. Now, I am not a cat person. However, I couldn't just leave it to die, so I went into action. I rushed him to a vet where they guessed he was just a few days old. We got some formula and bottles, some basic instructions, and then the vet clinic wished us good luck. We set him up in a box with a heating pad and fed the kitten every three hours. That was nearly nine weeks ago, and Milo is now a playful, happy kitten. We've decided to keep him as a companion to Reagan's cat.

Both kids went to church camp this year, and had a FABULOUS time. A lot of thought was put into ways to accommodate Pierce. There were many staff looking out for him at all times, but the best thing to see was how the other 6th grade boys treated him. When we pulled up at the camp, one boy ran to our car and greeted Pierce. He was in Pierce's cabin, and couldn't wait to show him where they would be staying. I knew he was in great hands. Reagan had a couple of moments of homesickness, but so did her best friend, so she told me that they cried together sometimes, and then they were okay. They can't wait to go back next year!

We've had lots of activities to keep us busy, and Pierce has been a trooper for most of them. We had one incident during one of the free movies. I still don't know what it was that set him off, but he was out of his seat and running out of the auditorium before I could react. I chased him down and reached him just as he was about to burst through an exit and into the parking lot. That's been our only major snafu. He's been repeating things A LOT, so I'm looking forward to getting him back to a consistent school routine with regular speech therapy.

Our last big news of the summer is that we got a puppy! I had been wanting a puppy for quite some time. We had put down our sweet, old Pekingese last fall, and I'd been missing having a dog around. It was probably crazy to do this now in the midst of raising a kitten, but I thought it would be fun to have the two grow up together. She is a mostly black Boston Terrier/Pug mix that we got from a shelter in Kentucky. She's about two months old and very sweet natured. Midnight has her moments of friskiness, but she'd much prefer to lay in your lap and veg. While the potty training and sleepless nights are stressful, I think she makes a great addition to our family.

So that's our summer in a nutshell. Hope yours has been fun and safe. I'm looking forward to getting back to the blog!

School's Out For Summer

It's the day that I dread all year: the last day of school. Well, that's not entirely true. While the kids were super excited this morning and I was less than enthusiastic, Reagan said, "You don't like summer, do you mommy?" I actually do like summer for the first month. It's nice to wake up a little later than normal and have nothing to do, nowhere to be, no homework to make you feel like a complete idiot (Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Apparently I'm not!). If you want stuff to keep the kids busy (camps, summer reading activities at the library, etc.), it's pretty easy to find for the month of June. But for some reason, it becomes harder to find programs that run past the first week of July. So by mid-July, I have two kids that are needing stimulation, and I've run out of steam.

Also, as I've said before, Pierce thrives on a regimented schedule. Without one, he's much more prone to moments of frustration. I'm filling our calendar with many opportunities to stay busy, but Pierce had an episode on Sunday that makes me fearful of taking him to public places on my own. Before heading to Panera (our usual Sunday lunch stop), we had to stop at my father-in-law's house to drop something off. Pierce loves grandpa's house, because there is a pool. He didn't protest when we left, so I thought he was alright with us not going swimming that day. But when we got to Panera, he freaked. He tried getting away from us and ran towards the very busy entrance to the shopping center. He was way too strong for me; Tim tackled him. If he hadn't been there, I don't know if I could have regained control of Pierce.

So far, we have a few church activities (including camp for both), summer reading through the library, dance camp for Reagan, the "Kids Bowl Free" program, and free summer movies. If you have some fun summer plans, I'd love to hear them. Also, if you have a pool to share (hey, I ain't too proud to beg!), we may need it. Grandpa may or may not be putting the house on the market. It probably wouldn't show well with a couple of noisy kids splashing around in the pool! Have a safe, fun summer and shoot up a prayer or two for me. Lord knows I'll need it.

That Dark Night Of The Soul

It's been a long time coming, but here is the next post in my "church saga" series. As usual, I hope not to offend; I'm just sayin'...

It was hard to separate the Anger phase from the Depression phase. I think I volleyed between the two for a while. One aspect of this change in churches that greatly disappointed me was the support group I had left behind. I had been motivated to start a support group for the parents of special needs kids in the summer of 2008 after talking to a mom at Antioch. She felt she could benefit from meeting with parents that were going, or had gone, through some of the same struggles she was having with her special needs child. We met once a month on Wednesday nights at Antioch. As I felt abandoned myself, I felt guilty that I was abandoning them the same way. This was a ministry I felt passionate about, and so many families needed it. Antioch had about 10-12 families caring for a child with some sort of disability. Just walking away from them the way I did made me feel sick. Logistically, I couldn't continue the ministry, because they needed a leader that was a full-time member at Antioch. When I asked one of the children's ministers at this new church whether or not there were other kids like my son here, she named one other child that had some struggles. I felt like I couldn't be of use here and that I was denying God's purpose for my life.

I desperately missed my hens. I could connect with them once or twice a week before, but now we were scattered all over Nashville on Sundays and Wednesdays. We rarely saw each other, and the loss was like losing a limb. I spent my Saturdays dreading church the following day. Sunday became a day I hated. Worship for me was ANYTHING but joyful. My husband and friends could tell I was miserable and suggested that if I hated this new church so much, maybe I should find somewhere else I could be happy. I knew that it wasn't that simple. I didn't think I'd find a place to be happy because I was so jaded. The foundations of my faith were shaken. Why would I want to devote my life to another church family for another twelve years or more just to see this happen again someday? All of those scriptures about the body of Christ and unity in Him felt like a load of bunk to me. Church politics just seemed inevitable. People were going to worship together until something annoyed them, and then they'd move on to greener pastures. The concept of a home church started looking pretty good to me. I wouldn't have to form any new relationships, I could just worship. Of course, this didn't sit well with my family, so I had to suck it up and go to church every Sunday. I was drifting aimlessly, because my anchor was missing. I felt so alone and very far from God. I couldn't even talk to Him anymore.

Random Acts Of Kindness

One of the things I worried about the most early on was that Pierce would be teased for being different. While we have had the occasional episode of Pierce being mistreated, I have been blessed to witness acts of kindness from kids and adults, friends and strangers. Pierce was accepted right away by his peers in Kindergarten. His teacher told me about how the children treated him while they were learning to read. Kids that age can be antsy and impatient, especially when someone is taking too long to read. These children were no different, until it became Pierce's turn. No matter how long it took him, they became quiet and waited patiently for him to finish. There were a few kids (mostly girls ;) ) that loved to help but had to be told not to help him quite so much. Bless their little hearts, they just wanted to take care of him! When Pierce was in 3rd grade, we felt that he was finally ready to participate in his first school program. He would be waving a long ribbon and singing a couple of songs and then playing the xylophone for a couple more songs. They put him next to a couple of his classmates. When he seemed to lose focus during the ribbon waving, the girl beside him would help him remember what it was he was supposed to be doing. And at the xylophone, a girl stood right behind him ready to help if Pierce needed her. From what I understand, several kids wanted to be the ones that got to help Pierce. I only heard of one bad incident in all five years of elementary school. Last year, a new student thought it would be funny to make Pierce kiss one of the girls in their class during gym. She rounded up a few more troublemakers to hold Pierce and this classmate and force them together. The rest of Pierce's class was furious when they realized what was happening and immediately ran for help. I talked to the grandmother of the classmate that Pierce "kissed" the next day, and she told me that along with being embarrassed, Britney was really sad that Pierce had been treated so badly. On Pierce's last day of elementary school last year, it seemed that every employee of the school knew him and were wishing him good luck for middle school. Even some parents that I didn't know knew who Pierce was and were telling him to have a great summer. The love for him at that school was almost overwhelming.

Kids and adults at church are much the same way. At our new church, several kids almost always make an effort to greet Pierce and give him high fives in the hallway. I have heard more than one story of how amazed a Sunday school teacher is at how their class seems to rally around Pierce. I am so thankful for these teachers, but they tell me THEY are the ones receiving the blessing because of the chance to work with Pierce. A couple of my favorite stories happened at a church camp a few years ago. Every year, families from Antioch spend a week in June at Pickett State Park. We call it Antioch Church Encampment, or ACE. I was encouraged to go for the first time in 2004 when the kids were 6 and 3. Tim couldn't get the time off of work, so I was a single mom for the week. All of the moms there offered me an extra hand whenever I needed one throughout the week. One little boy Pierce's age took a special interest in him. He joined us for meal times and hikes and followed Pierce around. One day, he asked me why Pierce didn't have his bike with him at camp like most of the other kids did. I explained that Pierce didn't know how to ride a bike yet. My heart just melted when his face lit up and he exclaimed, "I'll teach him how to ride my bike!". It didn't even occur to him what a challenge that would be. Of course, Pierce didn't learn how to ride a bike that week, but this child wasn't discouraged and continued to call Pierce "friend". The craft for the week was rocket building. Most of the dads helped their kids, but I didn't have a clue where to begin. One of the dads took Pierce's kit and built the rocket for him, in addition to the one he was building for his family. Pierce and Reagan helped with the decorating. On the day of the launch, I don't know who was more excited: Pierce or everyone else watching! A couple of dads helped him set it up. When it was launched, Pierce got more enthusiastic applause than anyone else that launched a rocket that day! Another dad helped him run through the field and find the rocket.

I guess the stories that move me the most involve the kindness of strangers. You expect your friends and family to show compassion, but the times you see this demonstrated by complete strangers is when you truly see the face of Christ. Some of you may have already read this story, as I posted it on Facebook last summer. It still moves me today, so I'm posting it again.

The kids and I decided to take in "Horton Hears A Who", the free movie today, at Opry Mills. We got there early so that we could get seats. As usual, when something is free, the participants are plenty. They had not opened the doors to the theater yet, so there was a line along the wall. We ended up right in front of the entrance/exit to the mall. A day care group was a few feet ahead of us. One of the kids began to wail. If you've spent any time around Pierce, you know that the sound of a crying child really distresses him. Pierce began to cry and threw himself to the ground. I wrestled him up (not an easy task as he is 11 and now eye-to-eye with me) and offered him his earplugs. This worked for a few seconds, but the child continued to wail. When Pierce is in a stressful situation and is faced with the option of "fight or flight" he will ALWAYS choose "flight". He realized, at about the same time I did, that we were right at the automatic doors. He decided to make a run for the parking lot. I grabbed the back of his shirt, and this threw him off-balance. He crashed into the mom (who was holding her small child) behind me. I was mortified! I apologized and braced myself for the condemning glare and stinging criticism that I knew was coming. Instead, she asked, with genuine concern, "Is he okay?". I explained that Pierce is autistic and the noise was beginning to upset him. This mom says to me, "If you need to take him outside for a few minutes, I wouldn't mind holding your place in line." I was so touched, and graciously accepted her help. We stepped outside and began debating whether to stay or go. Pierce kept chanting "go home", but when I asked if he wanted to see the movie, he said "yes". Reagan clearly wanted to stay for the movie, but she understood how upset Pierce was. I offered to get the movie at Blockbuster if we had to leave, and she thought that was a great idea. I saw through the doors that the line was moving. Pierce was willing to try again, so we ran back inside. I looked for the mom holding our place in line, and saw about 4 people waving frantically to us. Two people in front of her, and one behind her were all looking for us and waving! They were nearly at the entrance to the theater. Another mom said as we ran up, "We were afraid you wouldn't make it back in time!" We got to see the movie, and Pierce held up pretty well. We only needed one break in the middle when another child began to cry.

There are many other stories of blessings we have received; these are just a few. I hope that I've been able to give some insights into autism this month that have helped you gain some understanding. I'm enjoying the opportunity to share what I've learned over the years. Thanks for the feedback I've received. God bless you all!

Total Eclipse Of The Heart

I have two posts to bring you this week to wrap up my series on autism. One is happy while the other is sad. I'll give you the sad one today, so I can end on a positive note later this week. I've shared how autism has affected Pierce and our family as a whole, but I haven't talked about the emotional struggle that I've endured. I think it is important to share, because it will help you in your interactions with other parents of autistic kids. Maybe you know someone whose child was just recently diagnosed. You may want to talk with this mom or dad about how they are feeling, but you have no idea how to start since you haven't been where they've been. I'm going to tell you a little of what I was feeling when Pierce was diagnosed with autism. As I've said before, every parent is different, so my feelings may not be the same as those of most parents. In fact, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at the same time Pierce got the autism diagnosis, so that definitely affected the way I processed what was happening. I'm writing this for the same reason I've written of my experiences before; I hope that someone is enlightened by what I have to say.

It's hard to say this, but I felt very early on that Pierce and I didn't bond like most mothers and babies do. I thought that the main reason for this was all of the trauma surrounding his birth. I barely had time to kiss his tiny head before they whisked him away from me, and I didn't get to hold him for the first time until the next morning when he was 18 hours old. I tried to nurse him, but we seemed set up for failure and I gave up after three weeks. I loved him fiercely, but I felt like a connection was missing. As Pierce got older and the red flags began appearing, I did what most mothers do. I questioned myself. What was I doing wrong? Was I not interacting with him enough? Was he watching too much television? Pierce was only a baby, so what ever was going on must be my fault. Society seems intent on laying the guilt trip on moms. There were reports everywhere on how important those first three years were. If you weren't breastfeeding, playing him Mozart, showing him Baby Einstein videos and teaching him to read by the time he was three, then you were a bad mom. I felt like a failure. Talking to other moms only reinforced that feeling. There was a huge baby boom at our church the year Pierce was born, so most of those kids were reaching milestones at the same time. Not my son. Whenever a room full of moms would start talking about their kids, I started to feel like the odd man out. If I ever mentioned something strange that Pierce was doing or a milestone he had yet to reach, I was usually met with blank stares. I began to feel that I had nothing to contribute to these discussions, and I began to dread them. I didn't really want to socialize any more. I forced myself to attend church functions, because I didn't want anyone wondering or talking about why I'd suddenly stopped participating. I started to feel extremely jealous of these moms with their "normal" kids.

When we got the autism diagnosis, I went through a variety of emotions. One feeling was a sense of relief. Finally, the doctors see what I'm seeing! Maybe I'm not a bad mom after all! But, I also continued to beat myself up. Pierce was five when he was diagnosed. Why didn't I try harder to get answers sooner? What could I have done differently? What kind of early intervention had we missed out on because we failed to catch this when he was two? I've already told you how overwhelmed I was with information in the beginning. I would read some of this stuff and feel defeated. I didn't want to learn how to live with an autistic child. I just wanted him to be normal, and having that desire made me feel like a monster. Eventually, Tim and I learned that we had to grieve. We had not lost a child in death, but we were losing the idea of a "normal" son. I had imagined a son that would go to college. That would get married. That would raise a family of his own. Now, we weren't sure if any of the dreams we had for him would come true.

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. I believe that the only reason Reagan is with us today is because we got that autism diagnosis later rather than sooner. There is about a 25% chance that a second child will also be autistic. I don't think we would've had a second child knowing the risks. Also, I wouldn't be the advocate that I am if Pierce were "normal" (I keep putting that in quotes because, honestly, is ANY kid really normal? Normal is a relative term.) Later this week, I want to share some of the heartwarming stories I've experienced over the years as Pierce's mom.

Marching To The Beat Of A Different Drum

I was a bit of a rebel in my younger days. I wasn't reckless, but I did have this desire to go against the grain and question authority on occasion. While age has mellowed me, this trait does reappear from time to time. I tend to have a different opinion than most people in the autism community. As more children are diagnosed, even celebrities are affected. They won't hesitate to make their opinions about autism heard in the media. You may think that because we both have children with autism that I share their views. That is not always the case. I do believe that autism is a growing epidemic and research is necessary to determine how it can be prevented. I commend parents and professionals that are dedicating their lives to finding answers. One of the big questions is whether or not vaccines cause autism. The vast majority of the autism community believe quite strongly that they do. Personally, I do not subscribe to this philosophy. I don't fault the people that do, I just didn't see any evidence of vaccines causing Pierce's autism. There was not an obvious difference in him immediately following any of his vaccinations. I have heard the stories of kids having seizures right after a round of vaccines, and I don't doubt them. I just choose not to fight this battle, because it's not our story.

Another way that I'm different from most in this community is the terminology that I use to describe Pierce. Commonly, parents will say that their child has autism. Some even take offense if their child is referred to as autistic. They see it as a label, and that when a person uses the term "autistic" to describe their child, that person is ignoring all of the good qualities and traits the child possesses. I prefer to say that Pierce is autistic. I feel that it is part of who he is as a person. To say he has autism, to me, sounds as if he has something like a cold that he will get over or can take a pill and be cured of. I pray that one day a cure will be discovered, but for now, I don't believe that changing Pierce's diet is going to rewire his brain so that we can have a conversation. There are other symptoms of autism such as digestion problems that casein and gluten free diets can cure, but Pierce has never had any of these symptoms. That would be one reason we've never tried these diets. I guess I just need to see some more convincing statistics of how well diets work to improve communication and social skills; it's just the skeptic in me.

The last way that I'm different from a lot of parents of autistic kids is how I handle knowledge. I remember well the day that we got the autism diagnosis. We were handed a rather large stack of pamphlets and handouts. I have a tendency to be easily overwhelmed anyway, and for me, this was way too much information at once. Well-intentioned people heard of Pierce's diagnosis, and I was flooded with news articles and websites with even more information. I tend to seek information in smaller bites and only when I have a particular issue that I need help with. I do appreciate that people love our family and want to pass on information they think will be helpful. Just know that even if I don't read things right away, I am filing it away to access it at a later date. I know a lot of parents out there never stop searching for news and reading everything they can get their hands on that pertains to autism. While I do have those moments of voracious reading, I just don't have the emotional energy to be constantly seeking answers. Some might think that I'm not trying hard enough as a parent to learn all that I possibly can to help my son. All I can say is that everyone approaches parenting a little differently, and so far, I think we are doing okay.

My point today is that just like all autistic people are different, so are their parents. While we have much in common, we also have our differences. In that respect, we are no different from all other parents. I really hope I haven't offended anyone with my opinions. I also hope that I haven't come across as ungrateful for information that has been passed along to me. I know that all of you love Pierce and our family and we are so blessed by the support you've shown us over the years.

And That's The Way It Is

Today, Pierce is in the fifth grade, and still in mainstream classrooms for most of the day. An aide helps him keep up with all of the assignments and class changes typical of middle school. His performance in most subjects is on a fifth grade level, with the exception of reading and language. He reads on a first grade level, mainly due to his lack of comprehension. He doesn't have what you would call friends, but he is loved by peers and adults at both school and church. He still receives speech therapy, because conversation is a skill he does not grasp. Pierce uses a lot of what is called echolalia. He is constantly (and I do mean CONSTANTLY) quoting lines from movies, TV shows, commercials or songs on the radio. He becomes very frustrated when his routine is interrupted. He thrives on a consistent schedule. Pierce continues to be bothered by loud noises, especially crying or screaming children. He tries to run from noisy situations, and since he is now taller than me, trying to hold on to him when he is intent on running away in public has become nearly impossible. We avoid taking him shopping, because it really seems to stress him. We do eat out quite frequently, and the whole family is acutely aware of any crying kids in the vicinity and are prepared to calm Pierce the instant he begins to freak out. You will usually see him with earplugs in his ears when we are at church or in other public places. I have a ziploc bag full of them in my purse. He is pretty clueless about what to do in most social situations. I've already noted that eye contact is difficult for him. He's getting better with greetings, but we still have to prompt him to say "hello" or "goodbye". He walks around in his own little world, so he isn't always aware of other people around him. He bumps into people, and doesn't always remember to say "excuse me" or "I'm sorry". Modesty is an issue that we are always addressing. For example, it doesn't occur to him that dropping your pants in the hallway on the way to the bathroom at school is inappropriate. Poor Reagan won't be surprised by the male anatomy on her wedding night as Pierce streaks through the house naked quite often. Of course, I grew up with only a sister, so this could just be a typical boy thing! Hygiene has not been much of an issue so far, but he is going through puberty. I'm sure we'll have to stay on him pretty soon about remembering things like showering and deodorant.

Most of the time, Pierce is a joyful and affectionate child. He loves giving hugs. His laughter is contagious. He is completely obsessed with computers. Wherever we are, if Pierce goes missing, we know to look for the nearest computer and there he will be. We have our computers at home password protected, or else Pierce would be on the computer at all hours of the night while the rest of the house is sleeping. He has the most uncanny sense of balance; I tell everyone that he has cat-like reflexes. Tim and I, as well as many friends and family, can tell you stories of times he's been precariously perched on a ledge, in a tree, etc., but he always lands on his feet. He loves Veggie Tales, but he refuses to watch the videos on TV anymore. He will, however, watch them on the computer. That's one of those weird rules of his that really has no explanation. He still loves to play with the toys and read the books. He also loves all of the Disney Pixar movies.

Though he and Reagan got off to a rough start, they now have a great relationship. Reagan can still occasionally push Pierce's buttons, but I know how much he loves her. He needs to know where she is at all times. They play together and rarely fight. I think the really cool thing is that Reagan has actually stepped into the role of the older sibling. She is quite protective of him. When they were younger, she would speak for him if they encountered a new kid on the playground and explain that Pierce was different than other kids. She makes a conscious effort to avoid things that she knows will upset Pierce (most of the time). She initiates games of chase or hide and seek with him. Reagan is an absolute jewel. God knew that with all of the challenges that Pierce brings us we needed our second child to have a quiet, gentle spirit. She's not perfect; there are still those moments when she tests her boundaries. For the most part, though, she is such a happy, compliant child.

As I said before, this is not the path that I would have chosen, but our experiences raising an autistic child have taught us things we may never have learned otherwise. Pierce is an incredible kid, and I'm so very blessed to be his mom.

The Journey Begins

Pierce had a bit of a rough start in life. I had preterm labor in my seventh month, so I was put on medication and bed rest for four weeks. Five weeks before my due date, I was told it was safe to stop taking the medication, but within twelve hours, I was in active labor. When Pierce was delivered, he was barely breathing. He was immediately placed on a ventilator, and he needed it for the first eighteen hours of life. He received another twenty four hours of oxygen nasally after being taken off of the vent. Pierce spent five days in the NICU, but once we brought him home, he was the picture of health. He became a very chubby and happy baby. With the exception of a couple of ear infections, he had no complications the first year of his life. He was a little slow to crawl and walk, but that is pretty typical for a preemie. He had a couple of words at nine months like "dada" and "doggie", but at twelve months, I noticed that he had stopped using them and was just babbling nonsense. The pediatrician didn't seem too concerned, because he was a preemie. She also explained that she had a speech delay as a child, so our doctor was confident that Pierce would catch up just as she had. By the time Pierce was fifteen months old, I was getting more concerned. When he was eighteen months old, my pediatrician finally decided it was time for some speech therapy. I remembered watching an episode of Montel Williams that dealt with the topic of autism recently, so I asked the pediatrician if this could be a possibility. Her question to me was, "Will he smile at you and let you hold him?". I answered yes, so her conclusion was that he couldn't be autistic. Pierce received speech therapy for over a year, but he didn't seem to make much progress. We noticed some strange behaviors like an aversion to loud noises and horrible tantrums, but we continued to be reassured that his only problem was a speech delay. Reagan was born when Pierce was three months shy of his third birthday. Like most first born kids, his world was rocked. However, Pierce seemed to be seriously disturbed that there was a squalling newborn in the house. He refused to be in the same room with her, and if he had to be around her, his hands were clamped over his ears. One day, when Reagan was only six weeks old, she was crying from her bouncy seat that I'd placed in a chair in the living room. I was busy in the kitchen, and before I could get to her, Pierce, being unable to take the noise any longer, ran to her and shoved her bouncy seat onto the floor. I freaked out and rushed Reagan to the pediatrician. When I explained what happened, this was the first concern I saw from our doctor about Pierce's behavior. Still, she seemed to believe he had some anger issues that needed intervention. When we checked out the program that she referred us to, we decided that it just didn't seem to be the right solution. After speaking to a dear friend that was very concerned about the treatment we were receiving, we made the decision to seek out another pediatrician. A month later, Pierce turned three. Having been identified as a child needing early intervention with speech therapy, he could now receive treatment in the public school system. Pierce started a special education pre-school program in the fall of 2001. After being there for a few months, his teacher shared some concerns about Pierce's behavior. She saw some red flags that could indicate autism. He was tested by a school psychologist, but her conclusion was that he was not autistic. In his second year of pre-school, Pierce seemed to be more and more in his own world, so the decision was made to test him again. In the meantime, we took matters into our own hands and had an appointment made at Vanderbilt's Child Development clinic. Both the school system and Vanderbilt came to the same conclusion in the spring of 2003: Pierce was autistic. Based on that decision and the fact that he was still so far behind his peers, we held Pierce back for one more year of pre-school. This time, he would be at a school with a blended pre-K program. This class had a few special needs kids mixed in with the average students. Pierce was given an educational aide. She kept him on task, and Pierce was able to hang with the "normal" kids. With that extra year of pre-school, Pierce was prepared for a mainstream kindergarten classroom. He was once again assigned an educational aide that stayed by his side all day, every day. I was so worried that he would be teased because he was different, but his classmates absolutely loved him. His kindergarten teacher told me great stories about how understanding and patient the other kids were with Pierce. He definitely had struggles, but we were confident that he would thrive in this setting as opposed to a full-time special education classroom.

This is a rather condensed version of how our journey into the world of autism began. It's not the path that I would have chosen, and I sometimes wish things had turned out differently. My favorite Bible verse is Romans 8:28--"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I can already see good things happening because of what we have endured (details are forthcoming in a later post). In my next post, I'll give a summary of how Pierce is doing today.

April Is Autism Awareness Month

The following information was copied from Autismspeaks.org:

Autism is a general term used to describe a group of complex developmental brain disorders known as Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD). Autism affects the way a child perceives the world and makes communication and social interaction difficult. Today, it is estimated that one in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism, making it more common than childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined.

This month, I would like to tell you more about our son, Pierce, and our experiences with raising an autistic child. I wanted to start this series by making you more aware of autistic children all around you. There are a lot of misunderstandings about this disorder. Maybe when you hear the word "autism", the first thing you think about is the movie "Rain Man". Let me tell you that not all autistic people are savants, and not all savants are autistic. Pierce does have an obsession with computers, but I have yet to see him display computer skills that would make him a savant. Some people hear "autism" and think "retarded". While some people with autism are mentally retarded, some are of average intelligence. Pierce has an IQ in the normal range. It's not necessary to speak to an autistic person as if they were five years old. They also aren't deaf, so there's no need to shout at them. When you want to communicate with an autistic person, you just need to make sure you have their undivided attention. Eye contact is very difficult for most people with autism, so don't feel offended if they won't look at you while you're speaking. I'm telling you these things, because I feel like Pierce and others like him are so misunderstood.

Too many times, autistic kids are considered rude or bratty. I had a confrontation with a mom on the playground last summer that felt this way about Pierce. She was sitting on the steps for the slide, and Pierce wanted to get by. Communicating with other people is something he just doesn't understand. To him, there was a slide and a person blocking the steps leading to it. He pushed his way past her without saying anything. This mom began yelling at him and then yelling for me. When she found me, she told me how rude my son had just been to her. I calmly (let me tell you, remaining calm took every ounce of strength in my body!) explained that Pierce was autistic and that he has trouble communicating in social situations. She then turned about 20 different shades of red and apologized profusely, but the damage was already done. I found Pierce and explained that when someone is in the way, he needs to say "Excuse me" if he wants to get by. I should have had him apologize to this lady, but I was so flustered, I instead gathered the kids and went home. I'm telling you this story to make you stop and think when you encounter a child that you think is rude or being a brat. Not that there aren't kids out there that could use some stronger parenting, but that isn't always the case. Maybe that kid doesn't need a beating. Maybe their parents aren't failing at their job. Perhaps that kid that's being rude honestly doesn't know how to communicate with you. Perhaps that kid that's throwing the mother of all tantrums in the grocery store is completely overwhelmed by the crowds, noise, and bright lighting, and he just wants to get away from it all. The mom or dad that is dealing with this child desperately needs your look of empathy not disdain. If you don't understand the ways that autism affects a person, I encourage you to do some research. Autism Speaks has a website with lots of useful information. As autism becomes more prevalent in our society, you will encounter more and more kids like my son. Please learn how to interact with them, and stop criticizing them and their parents. We are doing the best we can.

Many people around us are very understanding. In the weeks to come, I want to share some of our positive experiences. I hope that by sharing this part of my life I can help you reach out to people like Pierce.

How's About Cookin' Somethin' Up With Me?

Most people are convinced that they can't do cooking in bulk, because they don't own a separate, full-size freezer. Au contraire, mon frere! I've managed to store 30 meals at once in my side-by-side fridge/freezer for a few years now. You may have to sacrifice your ice cream and frozen waffles for a couple of weeks, but who needs that stuff, anyway? Okay, okay; those of you that believe ice cream is a food group can put down the bricks and stop yelling at me now! Recently, we acquired a shiny, new stainless steel fridge with the freezer drawers on the bottom (LOVE it!). Since the old fridge still (mostly) works, we decided to keep it and move it into the closet with our washer and dryer. I now use the freezer in the old unit to hold all of my frozen meals. Anywho, fitting all of your meals into your freezer depends upon how you package them. For the first year or so, I used gallon-sized freezer bags. Soups, stews, and sauces can be laid flat to freeze and then stacked on top of one another or stood on end like books on a shelf. The thing that takes up the most room is casseroles, as those have to be frozen in a dish and then taken out and wrapped in foil. A couple of years ago, I purchased a vacuum sealer. Sure, the bags are more expensive, BUT they can be washed and reused! It's been a great investment. If you still aren't convinced that you can store a month's worth of meals in your freezer, try starting with 2 weeks' worth. You'll figure out what works for you with a little practice. The recipe I have for you today is what us southerners call my "funeral dish". This is the one that you throw together at the last minute to take to a sick friend, new mom, or those that have lost a loved one. It's probably my favorite casserole, because it's one that my picky children will eat!

Nana's Chicken Casserole

1 lb. chicken 1 can cream of chicken soup

1 qt. chicken stock 1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 stick butter 1 16 oz. bag of Pepperidge Farms

cornbread dressing

Boil your chicken in the chicken stock, adding water to cover chicken if necessary. Save enough broth to fill your two soup cans; shred chicken and set aside. In a dutch oven, melt butter, then add cream of chicken soup. Fill the soup can with broth and add. Add the bag of dressing and mix until moistened. In a separate bowl, combine cream of mushroom soup with one soup can of chicken broth. Mix with a whisk to remove lumps. Spray a 9x13 dish with cooking spray. Make a layer with half of the dressing mixture. Top this with all of the shredded chicken. Pour half of the mushroom soup mixture over the top. Top with the remaining dressing and then soup. Bake at 375 degrees for 35-45 minutes. NOTE: This will give you about 10 servings, so when I fix this for my family, I'm able to get 2 meals out of it. Instead of using a 9x13 dish, I use 2 8x8 dishes. I line these with foil and coat with cooking spray. I assemble the casseroles then put them in the freezer. Once they are frozen, I can lift them out of the dishes with the foil. You can either wrap them in a couple of layers of foil or place them in gallon-sized freezer bags. I prefer to vacuum seal them with my Foodsaver. On the day you wish to serve this, thaw the casserole in the 8x8 dish and then cook for 30 minutes. It can be cooked frozen; I cover it with foil and cook for about 1 hour, removing the foil for the last 15 minutes. I usually serve it with a vegetable side.

I'm Still Standin'

Somehow, last week got away from me before I was able to make a new entry to the blog. For those of you waiting with breathless anticipation for the next installment of the church saga, I would ask for your patience. You see, the next stage of grief I need to talk about is Depression. I'm having a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. Also, I'm part of a Sweet Adelines chorus, and we're going to Chattanooga this weekend for our regional competition (my first time on the contest stage, BTW!). I'm afraid that revisiting all of the emotions from the past will crush the positive, winning attitude I'm trying to maintain right now. So, friends, stay tuned. I WILL keep writing the story, and it WILL have a happy ending! My next blog post will be a continuation of my series on cooking and freezing. For the month of April, in honor of Autism Awareness Month, I will be doing a series about our experiences raising an autistic son.

I have been touched by all of the encouragement I've received from so many of you. I'm honored that you would take a minute or two out of your day to read the out-pouring of my heart and soul. Thank you again for your support.

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

I've described for you the body of believers that I was once a part of. I've also given you an idea how difficult it is for me to tolerate change. I think now I can try to put into words just what I've been feeling since the summer of 2008. I don't know if I can accomplish this in one post, because I've experienced such a variety of emotions. I'm learning that my honesty is going to offend someone out there, and the only way I can prevent that from happening is to remain silent. Since I intend to continue blogging, I'll just have to apologize up front for any hurt feelings my blog may bring you. Please understand that I'm trying my hardest not to be critical of certain people or churches and that my thoughts are not complete. God is not finished with me and my journey towards acceptance.

I'm familiar with the stages of grief, as I have been through all of them since the day we learned that our beautiful, first-born child was autistic. I will most likely go through some of them again as Pierce makes his journey to adulthood. It is debatable just how many stages there actually are. I thought there were only five, but it has recently been discovered that there may be as many as seven. Since the summer of 2008, I feel like I've visited most of these stages of grief again as I've tried to process the changes in our church community. That summer, an announcement was made that change was coming to Antioch Church Of Christ. Some people were accepting of this change, but some were not. The stage of grief that I went through first was Denial. I thought that everyone's emotions would settle down eventually, and we could go on worshiping together as we always had. We loved each other and we loved the Lord, so surely nothing could come between us. I even thought that if we discussed our differences, we could find resolution and no one would feel compelled to leave. Alas, every Sunday our class got smaller and smaller as dear friends decided it was time to find another place to worship. I began to feel as if the life was being sucked out of our church, but I clung to the hope that we would see those "glory days" return. After all, we still had many friends that remained, and Antioch was the only church our children had ever known. Once so many of our friends were gone, it became blatantly clear to us that there were things that our family needed that could not be provided at Antioch anymore. We had chosen not to dwell on those things before, because we loved our church family so much and couldn't stand the thought of leaving them. Finally, we decided that the time to move on had arrived for us as well. Our last Sunday at Antioch Church Of Christ was Easter 2009.

I thought for a little while that I would move pretty easily to the Acceptance stage. The new church we were visiting was vastly different from our former home, and I appreciated some of the newness. The children's ministry was outstanding, the worship was joyful, and while the church was huge, the bible class we were attending was small and somewhat intimate. It helped that there were many familiar faces from Antioch to make us feel more at home. However, I soon discovered that the thing that stayed so constant here was how much they loved changing things up. Tim and the kids fell in love with this new church immediately, but I entered into the next stage of grief: Anger. I had left everything that was familiar and comforting to me. Now, bible classes were constantly changing so that I felt I'd never get to know anyone. We were always learning some new praise music instead of singing the old hymns that I so loved and had grown up with. Everyone I knew seemed to be happily moving on, while I felt betrayed. Betrayed by my friends and my church. Why did a few decisions have to destroy the church I loved so much? How could my closest, dearest friends just abandon me and start over some place new? I resented this new church we were attending with a passion. I refused to sing these new praise songs. One Sunday, I felt the tears coming, and I had to hurry out to the ladies room where I sobbed in one of the stalls. I didn't want to start over again. I didn't want to make new friends. I just wanted everyone to return to Antioch; I wanted to go back in time a couple of years.

Whew! I think I need to stop here for now. This is a pretty emotionally exhausting process. Maybe I should take a friend's advice and just write about sunshine, rainbows and unicorns.