An anthropologist by the name of Edward T. Hall coined the term Proxemics in 1966. This is the study of set measurable distances between people as they interact. There are 4 different distances in which to interact: intimate distance, personal distance, social distance, and public distance. I will try to explain these and the way they directly relate to me. Intimate distance is for embracing, touching or whispering. Hall says this circle can be between less than 6in.-18 inches around a person. There are 3 people that I allow into this space on a regular basis: Tim, Pierce and Reagan. I hug and kiss my kids daily. And Tim and I, well, you know... Even with my family though, I have limits. I can't stand when the kids hover around me while I'm sitting on the couch. I can't sleep at night if Tim is touching me. We have a queen-sized bed; I don't think we could fit a king-sized bed into the room or we'd have one. I so love those vacation nights in giant hotel beds; so roomy! When Tim is away from home, I sleep GREAT. One thing I can't quite figure out is my love of massage. A masseuse definitely violates my personal space, but I enjoy that deep pressure that works out all of my neck and shoulder kinks. It does creep me out to feel their hair brush up against me or their breath on my neck. I also enjoy pedicures. Since the nail tech is working on my feet and is nowhere close to my face I'm okay. I don't care for facials or makeovers much. Those people get all up in my grill and make me very uncomfortable.
Personal distance is between 1.5-4 feet around a person. This space is for good friends or family members. I am definitely at the far end of the spectrum. I don't hug my best friends or family members unless I haven't seen them in months. That's just an understanding among us. When my "hens" gather together, I can't stand cramming 3 or 4 of us on a couch. I usually take the big recliner so there are no violations. Same goes for the rest of my family. I feel claustrophobic squished between two people; no matter if you're my mom or some casual acquaintance.
Social Distance is between 4-12 feet. This space is for interaction with acquaintances. Again, my "invisibubble" is a large one. It was pretty well known at the church we attended for several years that I'm not a hugger. So, I didn't have to worry about that much every Sunday. Even in the Sunday School class full of people that I loved, I usually spaced the chairs out a little further so I wouldn't be touching the person next to me. Most times, I put my purse and bible on the empty seat beside me as a buffer. Now, we're at a new church home. Fortunately, I haven't encountered many people that consider hugging an appropriate greeting. The 3-year-olds that I work with lack personal space boundaries, but I think I've handled the stress pretty well so far. The group that has challenged me the most, though, is chorus. These girls LOVE to hug. On the night I was initiated, I was hugged by about 30 women. Lord have mercy! The word has slowly trickled out about my anti-hugging policy, so accommodations have been made. Some give me the fist-bump, some give me the hand-hug that I learned recently. Sometimes, though, I just have to grin and bear it!
Public Distance is between 12-25 feet or more. This space is for interactions with strangers in public places. I can not STAND line-crowders. I should not have to feel your buggy in my back while I'm waiting in line at the register. I tend to avoid crowded places in general. I know I'll save more money at the packed Walmart, but I'd prefer to go to the less-populated Target. I hate full elevators. Thank God I don't live in a huge city where I'd regularly have to use public transportation like a subway. I could see how one would become agoraphobic in New York City. I read recently about Cuddle Parties. Complete strangers getting together to hug and touch each other (non-sexually). Just reading about it gave me the heebie-jeebies! It sounds like my version of Hell, if you ask me.
I know I'm weird. There are others like me. In fact, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, I can think of 3. At the same time, I know there are lots of people out there that crave physical touch. If you REALLY need a hug from me, I will suck it up and oblige. But, will you extend the same courtesy and refrain from touching me unless absolutely necessary? Thanks.
