It took it's sweet time, but Spring has finally sprung, and I am practically giddy! While the thought of all of the plants over at our old house that need to be dug up and transplanted to our new place is quite overwhelming, I am bolstered by thoughts of the numerous possibilities for this new canvas. Like a butterfly, I'm emerging from my cold and dreary cocoon of winter, and I'm transformed by the warm sun on my face and soft dirt between my toes. I don't know if I'll ever feel as good as I did as I came out of this depression 10 years ago, but there are glimpses of that euphoria.
My recovery was far from overnight. Antidepressant medication is not a magic pill. It still takes about 6 weeks to take affect, and that was certainly the case for me. My mother came to live with us during that time to help me recover. With her here, Tim and I could spend some much needed time alone together, and our relationship healed. She allowed me to take naps whenever I needed one, which I couldn’t do before she came. I talked to a therapist for a couple of months, but didn’t feel like she was helping me much. It became very important for me to talk with my friends and Tim. Tim and I could grieve together the fact that our child is autistic. I became really close with a few friends, something I had found hard to do in the past. With these friends, my "hens", I felt there was nothing I couldn’t share with them. They listened when I needed to talk about my struggles with Pierce. I made sure that Tim was talking about my depression and how it was affecting him. I didn’t want him to hide anything around his friends for my sake. I encouraged him to talk to one of his friends from church that had struggled with depression before. This friend was able to share some things with Tim about depression that I had not voiced yet. It was helpful for both of us. For a long time, I was unable to talk to God, because I felt so ashamed. By telling our friends and family about what I was going through, we had many people praying on my behalf. I read many books on depression, and kept my eyes open for health stories on the internet dealing with the subject. I made more of an effort to tell Tim when I had reached my limit with the kids. He would encourage me to take a long, hot shower or bubble bath, while he took over with the kids. He would also encourage me to get out, especially to scrapbook, since he knew it was a passion of mine and a creative outlet for me. It was important for me to distract myself with something I enjoyed. I would listen to calming music as I did housework, or while driving in the car. After about 2 months of treatment, I noticed that I felt happier than I had felt in a very long time. It's a very difficult feeling to describe. I had not been able to comprehend just how deep in despair I was, until I wasn't anymore. I thought, "So THIS is what it feels like to be truly happy! THIS is normal!". It was a joy so intense, that at times I felt my heart would burst! I could laugh again, honest-to-goodness, pure laughter. I'd been hurting for so long, I couldn’t even remember a time when I had felt so happy and at peace. Medication does have it's drawbacks. One of those for me is that I'm not near as emotional as I used to be. It's extremely rare for me to have a good cry over something. It takes a lot to make me teary. The funny part about that is that Tim and I now are total opposites. HE is the one to tear up over something sappy and sentimental or sad, while I sit back and tease him mercilessly. Ha!
My recovery was far from overnight. Antidepressant medication is not a magic pill. It still takes about 6 weeks to take affect, and that was certainly the case for me. My mother came to live with us during that time to help me recover. With her here, Tim and I could spend some much needed time alone together, and our relationship healed. She allowed me to take naps whenever I needed one, which I couldn’t do before she came. I talked to a therapist for a couple of months, but didn’t feel like she was helping me much. It became very important for me to talk with my friends and Tim. Tim and I could grieve together the fact that our child is autistic. I became really close with a few friends, something I had found hard to do in the past. With these friends, my "hens", I felt there was nothing I couldn’t share with them. They listened when I needed to talk about my struggles with Pierce. I made sure that Tim was talking about my depression and how it was affecting him. I didn’t want him to hide anything around his friends for my sake. I encouraged him to talk to one of his friends from church that had struggled with depression before. This friend was able to share some things with Tim about depression that I had not voiced yet. It was helpful for both of us. For a long time, I was unable to talk to God, because I felt so ashamed. By telling our friends and family about what I was going through, we had many people praying on my behalf. I read many books on depression, and kept my eyes open for health stories on the internet dealing with the subject. I made more of an effort to tell Tim when I had reached my limit with the kids. He would encourage me to take a long, hot shower or bubble bath, while he took over with the kids. He would also encourage me to get out, especially to scrapbook, since he knew it was a passion of mine and a creative outlet for me. It was important for me to distract myself with something I enjoyed. I would listen to calming music as I did housework, or while driving in the car. After about 2 months of treatment, I noticed that I felt happier than I had felt in a very long time. It's a very difficult feeling to describe. I had not been able to comprehend just how deep in despair I was, until I wasn't anymore. I thought, "So THIS is what it feels like to be truly happy! THIS is normal!". It was a joy so intense, that at times I felt my heart would burst! I could laugh again, honest-to-goodness, pure laughter. I'd been hurting for so long, I couldn’t even remember a time when I had felt so happy and at peace. Medication does have it's drawbacks. One of those for me is that I'm not near as emotional as I used to be. It's extremely rare for me to have a good cry over something. It takes a lot to make me teary. The funny part about that is that Tim and I now are total opposites. HE is the one to tear up over something sappy and sentimental or sad, while I sit back and tease him mercilessly. Ha!
I
just can’t stress enough that there is hope for you if you are suffering. The first step is admitting you need help. If you see a friend or loved
one is at risk for depression, please don’t hesitate to talk to them. Don’t be afraid to risk a friendship; you may be saving her life. However, choose your words wisely. You could make her feel more guilt about her situation by telling her how she needs to fix her life. Trust me, she already feels more condemned than you could know. Don't offer advice, just offer to listen and help any way you're capable, and if you've been where she is, TELL HER SO. Make her feel she is NOT alone. That is one of the biggest lies that Satan can tell. The best
thing you can do for her is pray. Educate
yourself, especially if you have teenagers. Learn to recognize the early
signs of depression. You may be able to stop it before it starts. Thanks for reading, and thanks so much to everyone that has offered me encouragement, both while I was suffering, and while I've shared my story. If you have a story to tell, share it! Depression should be taboo no longer!!
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