Yes Day

I'm sure I've said before that God blessed me with an amazingly compliant daughter. As the years go by, we're realizing that she is compliant to a fault. She does have her very own personality as well as some likes and dislikes. But Reagan is very much a people-pleaser. Many of you that have children with a more head-strong personality may say, "And your problem is...?". Well, my mother-in-law began to point out some things she noticed when Reagan was very young. She had taken Reagan to a movie, and she could see that Reagan was very interested in the popcorn in the lobby. She decided not to ask Reagan if she wanted any; rather, she would wait for Reagan to ask for some herself. She never did. Reagan was a little pouty as the movie ended and they left the theater. My mother-in-law asked her what was wrong. Reagan said that she was sad that they didn't get any popcorn. My mother-in-law was concerned that Reagan lacked the ability to speak up for herself. My mother-in-law is a very independent woman, so I took what she said with a grain of salt. I wasn't as concerned as she was. Lately, however, I'm seeing more and more how valid her concerns are.

As we all too rapidly approach the teen years (she's 11), Tim and I are realizing that we need to help Reagan become more independent and to make her voice heard. It's not exactly a lack of confidence or shyness. She makes friends very easily and is comfortable on stage in dance recitals or singing. I think she's just afraid of upsetting anyone, so she tends to go with the flow and along with decisions that others make without questioning. With the peer pressure that increases during the teen years, we feel it's VERY important for her to start making her own decisions and sticking with them, even if it's not always popular.

One idea I had recently was to institute a "Yes Day". I had read about these before and thought it would be fun. Pierce would be at Camp Discovery this week, so Reagan and I would have plenty of mother/daughter time together. I told Reagan about my idea: For a whole day, whatever Reagan wanted to do, my answer would be "yes". I did give her some guidelines. We couldn't do anything crazy like go to Disney World or get a puppy (Daddy would have to say "yes" to that last one, and that's NOT happening.) Since Reagan is not in the habit of making lots of demands anyway, I didn't really expect her to go crazy. I just wanted to make sure she didn't get carried away. We decided on Wednesday of this week.

Reagan's first request for "Yes Day" was to have Cracker Barrel french toast for breakfast. Before we got in the car, I suggested she bring her iPod along. I thought she might want to pick what we listened to. We cranked up some music from the Camp Rock soundtrack and headed out. Breakfast was delicious, especially since that happens to be one of my favorites, as well. She had expressed an interest in going to Build-A-Bear, since I had suggested a few days ago that we were close to 100 points (at which point you get a $10 coupon). We were over by Opry Mills, so B-A-B became our next destination. On our way, she asked if we could stop by the Lego store. "Sure...I mean, YES", I said. After looking around there, she asked if we could go to Claire's. She wanted to look at some best friend necklaces. She looked all over until finally finding a set that had 3; 1 for her and 2 other of her friends. I could tell she really wanted them, but I didn't ask. Finally, she blushed a little and sheepishly asked, "Can I get them?". YES. Our first purchase of the day was made. Then, we went on to Build-A-Bear. I had told her we had to spend another $28 to get to 100 points. She looked at all of the clothes and accessories, but kept coming back to one of their limited edition bears. Now, Reagan has 5 various B-A-B animals already. I normally wouldn't agree to getting another one. But, she finally asked for the bear. YES. That bear and a skateboard (because the bear just had to have wheels) would get us to our $28.

Next, Reagan wanted to go to McKay's Used Books. We had a $41 credit left over from our last trade in there. We found an American Girl movie (Chrissa), a wii game (wii Ski; she had been missing this game since it was stolen in our last break-in), and a book (The Tales of Beadle the Bard). We still had a $17 credit when we left. Free stuff! Reagan had no clue what to do next. We got in the car, and I pointed it towards home. I told her that unless she came up with a plan, that's where we'd end up. Just about the time we reached our exit, she decided she'd love to go to a pet store. YES. We looked around at all of the rodents (hamsters, rats, whatever. They're all the same to me), reptiles, and fish before we got over to the birds. Now, Reagan has said more than once that she'd love to have a bird. We've always explained why that wouldn't be a good idea. I was holding my breath. She stopped just short of asking, saying, "I wish I had a bird". She knew I'd have to break my rule for the day and say NO. So, we left the store empty handed. Whew!

We'd eaten breakfast kind of late. It was now after 2:30 and we were getting hungry. I had asked Reagan earlier where she wanted to eat lunch, and she couldn't come up with anything. Now we were driving aimlessly. I asked her what kind of food she wanted. ANY kind of food. "ANY kind?", she asked. YES. "Like, ice cream?" YES. She wanted ice cream. I asked where to go, and she requested Baskin Robbins. On our way, we passed a duck pond. She wished we had some bread, so we could stop and feed the ducks. I told her that Baskin Robbins was right beside a grocery store, so if she wanted, we could pick up a loaf of bread. We had our ice cream, got some bread, and went back to the duck pond. I can't remember the last time we were there; Reagan only vaguely remembered coming to this park when she was little. "That was fun!", she said.

Now it was time to head home and wait for daddy so we could go out to dinner later. She played her new video game, and told her daddy all about our day. Once again, she was stuck on figuring out a dinner location. She had thought about Applebee's, because she likes their cheese sticks. Tim gave her a few suggestions, with Dave and Busters being one of them. She liked the idea. We headed back over to Opry Mills. On our way in, we passed the Rainforest Cafe. I could see her eyes light up. "We don't have to eat at Dave and Busters; we could always go there after dinner", Tim said. Reagan asked if we could eat at Rainforest Cafe instead. It had been a really long time since we'd eaten there; Reagan was a toddler and had been terrified by the gorillas. We ate dinner, (along with the cheese sticks Reagan wanted for an appetizer), but turned down dessert. Reagan frowned, but I explained that since we were all full at the moment, we could get something somewhere else later. We headed down to Dave and Busters. We just wanted to play a few games of skee-ball, but to do that, you have to purchase something like a debit card for games. The cheapest card they had was $25. Reagan realized that was outrageous, so she was okay with us leaving. As we walked around the mall, we came up on a candy store. Reagan asked if we could go in; she'd never been in a candy store before (REALLY?! I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself.) We hadn't intended to buy anything, but Reagan picked up a Nerds gum ball out of curiosity without thinking, and we felt like we should buy it instead of putting it back. Since you can't really buy just one gum ball, we put together a small assortment of candies. On our way back to the car, we passed a Gigi's Cupcakes kiosk. Tim suggested that would make an excellent dessert, and Reagan agreed. We took our cupcakes home, where Reagan had one before bed. She told me she'd had a great day.

I know we have a lot more work to do on improving her assertiveness, but I think this was a fun little exercise. Earlier in the week I took her shopping. Usually, I shop the clearance racks while the kids are at school, so Reagan doesn't get the chance to pick out her own clothes. It was interesting to see some of her choices. I showed her a few cute tankini-style swimsuits, but she opted for a 1-piece. She's very modest (hope that continues through her teens). I'm having a blast with Reagan right now. She's at such a fun age. I'm still waiting for that big hormone switch to be flipped, and I'm trying to be optimistic instead of dreading having an emotionally crazy teenager. Come what may, I hope we're doing the right thing by helping her develop an independent streak.