#1: January is one of the worst possible times for me to attempt anything life-changing. Winter in general is just not my season. Ever heard of SAD? Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am on medication daily for depression (a topic I plan to write about later this year), but my symptoms are always worse when the weather turns cold and the days get shorter. Maybe this would explain my failure in the past to stick with New Year's resolutions...well, that, and the fact that I'm chronically lazy. Also, January to March are the three busiest months for Metro Nashville Chorus. Regional contest is at the end of March, so extra rehearsals for us AND my quartet are thrown in during those months. When you add to that mix that I have a couple of different leadership roles in this organization AND we had a very successful membership drive at the end of January (I am the Membership Coordinator), I felt like I had little energy to devote to anything else for a while. I'm so easily overwhelmed, that the stress becomes crippling to me. I don't want this to sound bad. I absolutely LOVE singing with this fantastic group of women! Those busy periods for us are temporary and few, and when we see what we've accomplished, the hard work is completely rewarding for all involved.
#2: I don't handle criticism well. Getting those goals down and publishing the post made me feel a little like Jerry Maguire after writing his "mission statement". I panicked a bit, knowing that everyone was watching to see if I'd actually follow through. Yes, I did say at the end of that post that people were welcomed to hold me accountable. Now, I realize I should never had said such. Truth be told, there are VERY few people from whom I can take criticism. I take a chance by writing this blog and showing my personality on Facebook. To make myself so bare and vulnerable like this, I guess I should have a thicker skin. I don't, and I've begun to wonder if the pain with the fallout is worth the risk I take. I can't keep people from expressing their opinions about me, but I won't be offering any open invitations to do so again. In the future, I will have designated "accountability partners". On the other hand, I will take encouragement and praise from almost anyone. I may not always believe you, but feel free to try. :)
I hope these don't sound like excuses, though I guess they kind of are. I'm just trying to figure out where I've gone wrong and how to do this better in the future. I'd like to focus on the positive for a bit, so I don't think I will give a status update goal by goal. Instead, here's what I HAVE accomplished.
#1: I have managed to keep up a "Thankfulness Journal"
#2: I have made great strides in getting my photo albums up to date. The 2012 Family Album is current, as are both of the kids' school albums!
#3: I've tried to improve relationships by texting more, and my hens are making monthly dates to get together.
#4: After a couple of very difficult months (that I WON'T be talking about here), I've become more keenly aware how fragile the the mother/daughter relationship is. I've begun counseling that I hope will help me be a better mom to my soon-to-be teenage daughter.
And now, for your reading pleasure, here is the next installment of my Thankfulness Journal. Enjoy!
Day 68- An awesome dentist and hygienist that's gotten me over my dentist phobia
Day 69- Redbud trees have started blooming
Day 70- Big hot water tank for long showers
Day 71- My bed with clean sheets
Day 72- Reagan's good health (missing the first day of school in nearly 4 years)
Day 73- The way my perennials just come back every year
Day 74- My first visit of the season to Bates Lawn And Garden Center
Day 75- The cherry trees are in full bloom
Day 76- Homemade French toast
Day 77- The chance to dig in the dirt
Day 78- Encouraging words from life group
Day 79- Watched Dancing With The Stars with Reagan
Day 80- Another healthy baby for Misty and Vince!
Day 81- Friends that can help out at the last minute when you have a crisis
Day 82- Noticed the first iris bloom!
Day 83- Fellow MNC quartet, Tessitura won a 3rd place medal at Regional Competition
Day 84- MNC got an -A when we performed for evaluation at competition!! And, I watched Azalea City Chorus win their very first medal! Pure joy!
Day 85- Came home from Chattanooga, and my wisteria vine is just starting to bloom for the first time EVER! I bought it 5 years ago.
Day 86- Pierce is able to go to the dentist now without having to be drugged and physically restrained.
Day 87- A friendly stranger at our door that isn't here to break-in, sell something, or hand me Jehovah's Witness pamphlets.
Day 88- The last time I took the car in for service, I was told it wouldn't be under warranty. I was expecting the worst with having the entire fuel injection system replaced. When Tim called about it today, he asked what the total would be, and they said NOTHING!!!! Turns out this IS UNDER WARRANTY!!! They said it could've cost us $6-8,000.
Day 89- Cooler heads prevailed
Day 90- Watching Reagan play Mario Cart with her daddy
Day 91- The lawn mower cranked.
Day 92- Laura Camp led a prayer during the communion (Sunday morning)
Day 93- Opry Mills is open again nearly 2 years after the flood!
Day 94- Hanging out at Chili's after MNC rehearsal
Day 95- Much needed rain shower
Day 96- Hearing how much my kids love my pancakes
Day 97- A day at the zoo with the kids
Day 98- Reagan got the chance to camp out in a tent and sleeping bag AND have a lemonade stand!
Day 99- He is risen!!!
Day 100- Our guest bath with a shower that's hooked up to it's own separate water heater (Main water heater died today)
Day 101- Easter candy on clearance for 50% off
Day 102- The light from the sunset streaming in through the stained glass windows in the church sanctuary during Vespers
Day 103- New tankless hot water system...an endless supply of hot water!!
Day 104- The Harry Potter books and movies, and sharing them with Reagan
Day 105- April scrapbooking goal accomplished: kids' school books up to date
Day 106- The Sunday School class we've been attending, Parents of Teens
Day 107- Roasted marshmallows over a fire and making s'mores with friends
Day 108- A last minute, lunchtime movie with Tim
Day 109- Gail Srygley, 5th grade Wednesday night teacher whom Reagan just loves.
Day 110- Discovering Once-A-Month cooking years ago. Tonight's dinner came from the freezer and I cooked it weeks ago.
Day 111- My Angry Bird cupcake toppers turned out just as I imagined
Day 112- The group that Tim volunteers with, Rebuilding Together
Day 113- 7th grade boys at Otter Creek Church of Christ
Day 114- Tim's flexible schedule
Day 115- The gift of parenthood (Pierce's birthday)
Day 116- Wildflowers on the side of the interstate
Day 117- A much needed massage after 12 hours of driving and 3 nights sleeping in a hospital recliner
Day 118- 21 years ago, I wanted to go to the prom so bad, I finally gathered up the courage to ask a friend. (21st anniversary of mine and Tim's first date)
Day 119- Reagan has a daddy that loves spending time with her
Day 120- Blessed by our youth group leading worship this morning
Day 121- Sweet email from a friend telling me what a great influence Pierce has been to her son
Day 122- One of Jeannie's clots has dissolved!
Day 123- Tim got a great, long-term contract with Vanderbilt
Day 124- A surprise visit from Misty AND getting a baby-fix with newborn, Maggie!
Day 124- A surprise visit from Misty AND getting a baby-fix with newborn, Maggie!
Terrific post - as usual. I respect your willingness to share in a public way. And am honored to have made Day 83 of your thankfulness journal. I'm thankful to know you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jennifer! You guys earned it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your transparency. Our world typically doesn't let anyone, and i think that's a big part of our problem. If we cannot share struggles, then how can the people who have already walked that path share.
ReplyDeleteThe teen months with a daughter are hard, especially with one that has such a strong will (ie, temper) as mine. One think I have learned recently, and I hope you don't mind an unsolicited piece of advice - The time that i have not had to spend with Hannah because I have been so sick and tired have taken its toll. All she wants is time with her mom. It can be nothing more than sitting on the couch talking (well, she talks and talks and talks; I listen). We've gone out to dinner a couple of times (let her pick place). We've even just had girls' night where we make cookies and sit up watching movies.
The difference i have seen in just a few weeks has been nothing short of a God thing. I will keep you in my prayers. i KNOW how tough this time can be.
I'll just be glad if my kids don't end up on Oprah.
HUGS!
Kathy