Winter Sabbatical (Part 1)

There’s a lot to say about the last 7 weeks. I don’t want to pile it all on you at once, so this will be a 2-part post. In part 1, I will try to answer the what and why questions I’ve been asked most often about my time away. In part 2, I will give a summary of my discoveries and revelations. There will also be a separate post on Instagram and Facebook with a few pictures. I’ve stayed off social media to 1) keep all of you from hating me and my sunny pictures and 2) keep the drama of life to a minimum. I don’t have much news to share other than an acceptance email from Borrowed Solace informing me that another essay I wrote last year will be published in their literary journal this spring. To my knowledge, it will only be available in print. When I have purchase info, I will share. Past issues of Borrowed Solace have been $7. I was quite vulnerable and transparent in this essay, so I’m pretty nervous for all of you to read it. So. Without further ado, here’s part 1 of Winter Sabbatical 2020.

FAQ

It really hasn’t been all that cold this winter. Do you regret going or feel like this was a waste of money? 

The cold does make me cranky, but it’s the lack of sunshine that makes me lose the will to live. I mean that literally. If you’ve never experienced seasonal depression, I can’t possibly make you understand my motives. Did you know that in Nashville there have only been 13 sunny days so far this year? At least that’s what I counted; Correct me if I’m wrong since I wasn’t here. By my calculations, 73% of 2020 has been cloudy and/or rainy in Nashville. I work a job that keeps me outside, which means I get more sun than the average person. When sunshine disappears for days or weeks at a time every winter, my brain suffers from starvation. I joke that I’m solar powered, but it’s the best way I know to describe SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I know there are people out there that see me as some spoiled Brentwood mom that loves the beach and has the luxury of skipping town for several weeks just because I don’t like to get cold. My story is that I went to Miami to avoid the hopelessness and despair I feel for three months straight every year, and right now, my brain is healthier than it has ever been during the winter.  

What did you do everyday? Were you ever bored?

I took walks most mornings. I started a prayer journal. I read. I wrote. I worked on a scrapbook. I colored. I went to a Farmer’s Market every Saturday in a park 1 block away from my condo. I went to the beach a few times. I spent too much money on books and craft supplies. I was never bored, but there were days that I was hard on myself or felt guilty about being lazy. And there were 2 days that wrecked me to the point of wanting to pack up and come home.    

Was it scary to be alone in Miami?

Sometimes. My parking spot was in a gated lot and all entrances to my building were only accessible with a key. I never felt that my building was unsafe. It was on a busy street in a decent part of Miami, and during the day, I felt comfortable walking to the store or the park. But I did not like being out alone at night. Most evenings I made my own dinner instead of eating out.    

Didn’t you miss your family?

There’s a saying that I love: How can I miss you if you don’t go away? Reagan is doing the college thing, so I don’t see her much even when I am at home. Pierce has school or work, but when he’s home he is ALWAYS talking or singing. If I’m being honest, I relished the silence and solitude. Tim and I are at a place in our lives and our marriage where we don’t feel the need to be joined at the hip. I made a brief visit at the end of January, and after having been apart for several weeks, we cherished our time together . A wise woman (Beyoncé) once said, “Ladies, look at here. When you been with your man for a long time, every now and then you got to go in the back of that closet and pull out that freakum dress.” I know this isn’t the same thing, but I really wanted an opportunity to quote Beyoncé, so go with it. My sabbatical was just the shake-up our boring old routine needed. Having the chance to miss each other and anticipate our reunion was…okay, let’s move on.

How did Pierce handle your absence?

He was fine. He did ask about me everyday for the first week, but he was mostly unaffected (from what we could tell). Conversation with Pierce consists of 2-3 exchanges before he wanders off to do his own thing, so we have no idea how he really felt about it.  

How did Tim manage without you at home?

Again, fine. I take Pierce to school every day, so Tim just left a few minutes early and dropped him off on his way to work. Pierce has always rode the bus home, due to our work schedules. At home, Pierce is pretty low-maintenance.   

Do you think you’ll do this again sometime?

I already have a place booked from January 1st to February 28th 2021, so YES. Tim pointed out to me a couple days ago that this may be the first year that I actually look forward to winter. He’s right; I never thought I’d be able to say those words. Despite how much I disliked the city of Miami (more on that later), Winter Sabbatical 2020 was a definite success. I grew in ways I never expected. Most importantly, I haven’t wanted to slit my wrists this winter, which is all that matters to me and Tim.