The Week I Was Stoned

FORWARD:
I wrote this nearly a week ago. I was waiting to post it until I knew what the ending to the story would be. Yesterday, December 20th, an X-ray showed that the stone is GONE! I have no idea when it decided to vacate the premises. Instead of doing some editing, I decided to leave the post mostly as is. May you NEVER have a week like I just had!!

It was the Christmas season. So much to do. It was also our anniversary. I had spent the last 11 days giving little gifts to my husband in the tradition of "The 12 Days Of Christmas". I called it "The 12 Days Of Our Anniversary". (Someday, I hope to do a little post with all of the pictures of the gifts and notes I gave him) We were all set to spend the day together, celebrating our anniversary on December 12. At 4 am, I woke up in pain. I lay there, hoping it was gas or ovulation pain, but twenty minutes later, my panting and moaning woke Tim up. Tim had a coworker that had recently had kidney stones, so he suggested we go to the ER. Thus began our anniversary from Hell. I've posted about my kidney stone on Facebook ad nauseam, but I've learned a few things from this experience. So at the risk of a lynching from those that are sick to death of hearing about this, I thought I'd share my stones, er, pearls of wisdom.

Kidney stones have a horrible reputation. You go into a doctor's office or ER and even hint at "kidney stones", and you have the sympathy of everyone around you. No one doubts your pain for a second. If they haven't had one themselves, they have all heard the horror stories. They're nearly throwing pain pills at you. "How many do you want? Do you want the really strong stuff? We just want to make you as comfortable as possible." That's reassuring, but at the same time frightening. Just how bad is this going to get?

And speaking of horror stories...Just like your terrifying childbirth stories do nothing to comfort an expectant mother, so do your terrifying stories of passing a kidney stone told to one that has yet to pass theirs. Just sayin'. That said, yes, kidney stones are worse than labor, but allow me to explain why. 1. With labor and delivery you get an epidural. No epidural with kidney stones. 2. Contractions come in waves, with a contraction lasting about 30 seconds. Kidney stone pain is CONSTANT. There may be some days better than others, but mostly, you're in pain until the stone is passed (unless you're completely stoned on pain meds). 3. Childbirth occurs (most of the time) within a few hours or a day. Four days and 12 hours later, I have YET to birth this thing. Although, as I commented on Facebook, you don't have to figure out how to send a kidney stone to college, so I'll take the stone.

This was horrible timing, happening on our anniversary and so close to Christmas. But, it could've been worse. Just 12 hours before my pain began, I had returned from a girls weekend in the mountains. Miles away from an ER. Yikes! And though I love to savor my last few days of freedom before kids are out of school and that was ruined by this stupid stone, I never would've gotten the rest I needed had this happened a week later while the kids were home all day. Again, yikes!

Finally, I knew my husband was amazing, but I was reminded how much this week. He completely rearranged his schedule so that he could deliver kids to and from school while I was doped up on pain meds, and he NEVER complained. He's ever the optimist, so he tried to help me laugh at the absurdity of our situation. The night this all began, on our anniversary, his Facebook post read, "I think we were attacked by the irony police today. See, I was going to surprise Mel with dinner at Stoney River. We were going to have Rock Lobster. Then later we were going to go to the Cold Stone Creamery." Sure, it was completely unromantic, but it was freakin' hilarious. A kidney stone is the absolute worst anniversary gift I can imagine, but at the same time, it has reminded me of my husband's patient, loving, gentle spirit and the awesome marriage that I've been blessed with. Maybe this stupid stone was what we needed after all.