A Lotta Mo Betta

It's the end of another year. A new one is on it's heels. Time to assess and adjust. I'm not completely happy with the way my year has gone. I've broken promises to myself and others. Life has become a check list. I look forward to marking events off of my calendar, thinking I'll feel some relief or be able to rest when they're done, only to realize that another event is coming up. Before I know it, the year is over and I've essentially wished it away. I'm beginning to realize that time is very quickly slipping away, and the people I love most won't always be by my side.

Depressing, huh? Well, fear not! I've been working on a list of improvements that I'd like to make in 2012. I have a pretty lengthy list, so I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure by giving myself too many goals to achieve. A friend recommended a book to me a couple of months ago on Facebook when I was bemoaning the fast-paced life I felt myself in. Last night, I finally bought a digital copy for my iPad, and I'm anxious to find out whether it will help my cause. It's called "The Happiness Project". It chronicles the author's year-long quest to be a happier person. Not necessarily trying to find things to make her happy, but finding ways to appreciate the life she already has. To stop taking things and people for granted. I certainly feel that I could learn more about how to be satisfied and more content with the life God has granted me. I'm only a couple of chapters in, so I can't give a great review yet. However, I'm already feeling a connection to the author, Gretchen Rubin. I am disappointed that, when consulting "spiritual advisers", God wasn't on her list (though some Christian philosophers were), and she seems to be all about TAKING control of her life rather than GIVING it to God. I can tell there are benefits for me to gain by reading this book, though. I can add my own spiritual goals to help me attain a happier life. Since one of my goals is to write more, I'll hopefully give an update sharing what I learn.

I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks, and this morning, I made my list of goals for the coming year (I LOVE making lists). I noticed there was a lot of "more" and "better". My hens and I use the phrase "A lotta mo betta" to show our approval of just about anything. I'm not sure who started it. Anywho, that's what I thought when I started reviewing my list. So no, the title of my post isn't in Latin, it's in Hen. Here's the list I came up with:

Pray and Read Scripture More: I decided to lump my first two goals together. I had two habits a couple of years ago that, I'm sorry to say, have fallen by the wayside. I'd like to pick them back up. First, I used to pray in the shower. It was my "prayer closet" in a sense. I take ridiculously long showers, so I had plenty of time to make it through my list of family and friends and have a pretty good daily conversation with God. Now, it's all I can do to say "hi" to Him about once a week. I'm ashamed of myself. I've almost given up telling people that I'm praying for them, because it's a flat out lie. I also had a habit of keeping my bible in the car with me and reading it Monday through Friday while I waited in the car rider line at my kids' school. I just don't see myself being one of those people that gets up early every morning to study and have my "quiet time" with God. This was one way I could get in some time with the scriptures. Lately, I seem to spend that time on my iPhone, checking my email and Facebook, or playing Words With Friends (darn you, technology). My lack of spiritual discipline is simply inexcusable.

Appreciate Tim/Marriage More: I don't know if this is true for you, but for Tim and I, 2011 has been an awful year for marriage. It seems every month has brought more news from both family and friends of another marriage that is collapsing. It has become frighteningly obvious to me that I'm taking my own marriage for granted. The way I'm doing this is mainly by failing to appreciate my husband. I want, no, NEED to tell Tim daily what an awesome man, husband and father he is instead of nagging him over things I feel he can improve on. I can't just assume that he's going to love me for the rest of my life without giving him reason to. Our marriage has to be a priority, or we could very well end up in the predicament that so many of our friends have found themselves in.

Be A Better Advocate For Pierce's Education: Pierce has been in Life Skills classes for a year and a half now. Many people have asked how that's going, what he's learning in there. I'm embarrassed to say that I honestly don't know. In another year and a half, he will be in high school. I've become complacent when it comes to Pierce's education. He's getting good grades and seems to be happy, so I've just trusted that things are going well. I've received invitations from teachers to come observe his classes, but I haven't taken them up on the offer. I need to know more about Pierce's school life and start planning for high school and beyond. It's just such a daunting, overwhelming task, that I keep putting it off. I can't ignore it anymore.

Have A Better Relationship With Reagan: Reagan will be 11 in just a few weeks. A preteen; YIKES. I must confess that my relationship with my parents during my teen years was not the best it could've been. I've desperately hoped that Reagan and I will navigate those waters better. I'm at an advantage, because her temperament is not exactly like mine was as a teen. She's been a pretty laid back, happy child. But, I can see that her personality is beginning to change with the oncoming hormones, and she is becoming a little more like me. Just like my relationship with Tim, I tend to nag and be critical of my daughter WAY more than I should. It's a very sad fact that I don't have a lot of time left with her here at home. I need to make this a more positive environment for her.

Be A Better Daughter, Sister and Friend: I don't have room to list every relationship I'd like to work on, so I think this pretty much covers it. After the death of a couple of friends this year, I've begun to realize just how precious the people closest to me really are.

Move More, Eat Less/Better: This is pretty self explanatory, really. I'm not going to give myself ridiculous goals like workout 20 minutes everyday, or go on a diet. However, I HAVE to do more than I'm doing now, which is nothing. I used to walk 3 or 4 times a week, and it's the only exercise I've ever really enjoyed. I need to get back in the habit. Also, I could use some portion control at dinner time. I could also change my bedtime snack routine. I don't know that I have the willpower to cut it out entirely, but I can at least find a healthier alternative than the sweet snack I crave every night.

Control Clutter Better: This is getting a little easier with a housekeeper coming in once a week. There are areas, though, that she doesn't touch that I'm going to have to tackle myself. One of these is my email inbox, and I've already begun working on it. It occurred to me this week that I get 25 to 30 emails every morning that I don't even read before deleting. These are mostly newsletters that I've signed up for over the past year in my quest for coupons. Over the last 3 days, I have unsubscribed myself from over 30! I also plan to go to digital magazine subscriptions. I have a stack of magazines that I haven't read that are just taking up space. With all the time I spend online and with my iPad, I have a much better chance of reading them digitally and pinning all the interesting recipes and gardening ideas on Pinterest.

Finish What We Start: My husband and I have a very bad habit. We love to start things, but have trouble finishing them. I don't know how to change this about ourselves, but I'd like to try and figure out a way.

Coupon More: I started out 2011 strong with my efforts to save money by couponing. During the summer, it became difficult to shop and keep up with coupons with the kids in tow. Eventually, I became kind of burned out. I'd like to get back into it, though. Ironically, one goal I have is to stop buying so many Groupons! I can't tell you how much money I've lost this year by buying a deal, forgetting about it, then having it expire on me. I at least need to make more of an effort to use them as soon as I buy them.

Learn About Our Finances: This is a goal that's long overdue. Tim and I certainly aren't getting any younger. If the unthinkable were to happen, and I was left to raise the kids alone, I'd have no idea where to find anything. That's a truly terrifying thought!

Work Harder To Maintain a Decent Yard: Boy, have I let our place go this year. I worked so hard on so many gardens around the house, and now it looks like I'll have to start over. I'm a person that is very easily overwhelmed when faced with a task. When I look at our 4 acres, I feel hopeless. Even my biggest efforts feel like a mere drop in the bucket. I have to shake myself free of this mentality and at least try to keep this place from looking so white-trash.

Read More: No explanation necessary. I just want to be a more well-read person and at least feel a little more intelligent.

Blog More: I feel bad that I haven't written much this year. I really enjoy it, and I feel a sense of pride once I'm done. It feels great to accomplish something other than sitting on the couch watching Netflix all day.

So, there you have it. It does seem a little ambitious, doesn't it? I can think of a couple more things to add, but they fall under the umbrella of goals I've already listed, so I'm just going to let this list stand. Feel free to ask me how things are going; maybe it'll help keep me accountable. Good luck with your own resolutions and have a happy and blessed 2012!

What Christmas Means To Me

Here I go again, stirring things up and asking for trouble. This is a post that I intended to write last Christmas but never got around to it. It's something that I've been wanting to get off my chest for a few years now. As I've pointed out many times in my musings, I was raised in the Church of Christ. I dearly love the CofC, and right now, I can't imagine ever worshipping with any other denomination. That being said, as an adult in the CofC, I began to question some of our traditions. In this way, I've made religion my own, and not "just my parents' religion". I think it is completely healthy to question, and I encourage everyone to discover for yourself what it is you truly believe. I sincerely hope that my family and other Christians from my childhood don't take this post as a slam against the Church of Christ.

As I was growing up, there was a firm belief in the Churches of Christ that Christmas should NOT be celebrated as the birth of Christ. One reason for this was that the specific birthdate of Christ is not given in the bible. Celebrating Christmas as Jesus' birthday would be in violation of the command to leave scripture as is; do not add to or take away from the word of God. I can't remember ever being given a "book, chapter and verse" for this command, but now that I'm researching, I've found a couple of scriptures in the OLD Testament (Deuteronomy 4:2, and Proverbs 30:5,6) and a scripture in Revelation pertaining specifically to the prophecies in that book (Revelation 22:18,19). The second reason for not celebrating the birth of Christ at Christmastime was that, according to scripture, we should not keep any holy days. Again, I can't remember any specific scripture being given to me, but I found one in Galatians (Galatians 4:10,11).

As a kid, we celebrated Christmas as that day that Santa Claus brings you presents. We had a tree, stockings, "Jingle Bells" and "Rudolph". All of the PAGAN aspects of this holiday, but none of the religious. We didn't sing traditional Christmas songs like "Joy To The World" or "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" or hear sermons about the birth of Christ at all during the month of December. I don't think I even knew what the term "Nativity" meant until high school. I can remember a sermon from a preacher one year giving us his list of reasons, based on research, that the world had it wrong. Jesus could't possibly have been born anywhere near December 25th, because it would've been too cold for the shepherds to be out in the fields that time of year, or something like that.

I remember vividly when my beliefs became known to all of my friends. Back in the 80's (and especially in the south), it wasn't yet completely taboo to talk about God in school. In the fifth grade, we were given a writing assignment: Write your version of The Christmas Story. In describing the assignment, our teacher said he was talking about the birth of Jesus. Naively, I raised my hand and said, " But I don't believe that's 'The Christmas Story'". The gasp from my classmates was audible. To them, I was the Anti-Christ! If I remember correctly, I still wrote about the birth of Christ, but I ended it with a paragraph about not believing this was the Christmas Story; that it was "against my religion" to believe this. Try as I might to explain why my family felt this way (like, we choose to celebrate Christ's birth EVERY day, not just at Christmas), I did not win a single person to the Kingdom of Christ. All they heard was that I didn't believe in The Christmas Story.

I can't remember exactly what point it was in my life when my beliefs about Christmas began to change. When Tim and I dated in high school, he invited me to his Baptist church's Christmas program, The Living Christmas Tree. In it, was a live Nativity scene. Boy, did I struggle to sit there for what I thought was a completely blasphemous performance. We had many arguments about this subject throughout our years of dating. Once we became engaged, Tim became a member of my church and we didn't argue about Christmas anymore. It wasn't until we moved to Nashville a few years later and began attending Antioch Church of Christ that I began to see that not all people in the Church of Christ held the belief that Jesus' birth was not to be celebrated at Christmas. We actually sang a few carols during the month of December and had at least one sermon about baby Jesus. One year (the memory is kind of hazy, because I can't recall if this was a sermon or just someone expressing his thoughts before the Lord's Supper), we heard a story from someone confessing his guilt about a situation similar to my story from fifth grade. He'd had a fight with a girl in school about Christmas not being Christ's birthday. Now as an adult, he mourned that he hadn't acted very Christ-like. The impression he left with her about the kind of Christian he was, was that he thought it was more important to argue about Christmas than it was to share the love of Christ. His confession had a huge impact on me.

I think the transforming of my mind has happened rather slowly. I choose to celebrate Christmas as the day that God came to live among us in flesh as a newborn baby. Born to a virgin, in a dirty stall. I think this has been a gradual shift for many in the Church of Christ. The church I grew up in now sings carols and talks about the Nativity during the month of December. My parents do as well. It really gripes me when I hear the old thinking in the CofC regarding Christmas. There are many that still hold fast to the old beliefs. I read a blog written just a couple of weeks ago proclaiming that if Christ had wanted to be a part of Christmas, He would've given us specific instructions in the bible that His birth was to be celebrated on December 25th every year. It even implied that people that celebrated Christ at Christmas don't celebrate Him the other 364 days a year. How presumptuous! All I know is that if the world chooses to celebrate Christ's birth during Christmastime, I think we should take this opportunity to spread the gospel to ears that are willing to hear, instead of debating timelines and scriptures. If we win more souls for the Kingdom at Christmastime, how can this approach be wrong? So, yes, I'm going to wish you a Merry CHRISTmas, and a Happy New Year!

The Week I Was Stoned

FORWARD:
I wrote this nearly a week ago. I was waiting to post it until I knew what the ending to the story would be. Yesterday, December 20th, an X-ray showed that the stone is GONE! I have no idea when it decided to vacate the premises. Instead of doing some editing, I decided to leave the post mostly as is. May you NEVER have a week like I just had!!

It was the Christmas season. So much to do. It was also our anniversary. I had spent the last 11 days giving little gifts to my husband in the tradition of "The 12 Days Of Christmas". I called it "The 12 Days Of Our Anniversary". (Someday, I hope to do a little post with all of the pictures of the gifts and notes I gave him) We were all set to spend the day together, celebrating our anniversary on December 12. At 4 am, I woke up in pain. I lay there, hoping it was gas or ovulation pain, but twenty minutes later, my panting and moaning woke Tim up. Tim had a coworker that had recently had kidney stones, so he suggested we go to the ER. Thus began our anniversary from Hell. I've posted about my kidney stone on Facebook ad nauseam, but I've learned a few things from this experience. So at the risk of a lynching from those that are sick to death of hearing about this, I thought I'd share my stones, er, pearls of wisdom.

Kidney stones have a horrible reputation. You go into a doctor's office or ER and even hint at "kidney stones", and you have the sympathy of everyone around you. No one doubts your pain for a second. If they haven't had one themselves, they have all heard the horror stories. They're nearly throwing pain pills at you. "How many do you want? Do you want the really strong stuff? We just want to make you as comfortable as possible." That's reassuring, but at the same time frightening. Just how bad is this going to get?

And speaking of horror stories...Just like your terrifying childbirth stories do nothing to comfort an expectant mother, so do your terrifying stories of passing a kidney stone told to one that has yet to pass theirs. Just sayin'. That said, yes, kidney stones are worse than labor, but allow me to explain why. 1. With labor and delivery you get an epidural. No epidural with kidney stones. 2. Contractions come in waves, with a contraction lasting about 30 seconds. Kidney stone pain is CONSTANT. There may be some days better than others, but mostly, you're in pain until the stone is passed (unless you're completely stoned on pain meds). 3. Childbirth occurs (most of the time) within a few hours or a day. Four days and 12 hours later, I have YET to birth this thing. Although, as I commented on Facebook, you don't have to figure out how to send a kidney stone to college, so I'll take the stone.

This was horrible timing, happening on our anniversary and so close to Christmas. But, it could've been worse. Just 12 hours before my pain began, I had returned from a girls weekend in the mountains. Miles away from an ER. Yikes! And though I love to savor my last few days of freedom before kids are out of school and that was ruined by this stupid stone, I never would've gotten the rest I needed had this happened a week later while the kids were home all day. Again, yikes!

Finally, I knew my husband was amazing, but I was reminded how much this week. He completely rearranged his schedule so that he could deliver kids to and from school while I was doped up on pain meds, and he NEVER complained. He's ever the optimist, so he tried to help me laugh at the absurdity of our situation. The night this all began, on our anniversary, his Facebook post read, "I think we were attacked by the irony police today. See, I was going to surprise Mel with dinner at Stoney River. We were going to have Rock Lobster. Then later we were going to go to the Cold Stone Creamery." Sure, it was completely unromantic, but it was freakin' hilarious. A kidney stone is the absolute worst anniversary gift I can imagine, but at the same time, it has reminded me of my husband's patient, loving, gentle spirit and the awesome marriage that I've been blessed with. Maybe this stupid stone was what we needed after all.