Winter Sabbatical 2021: Week 6

TRIGGER WARNING!

I’m aware of my Nashville friends currently under a blanket of ice, with temps below freezing until Thursday. Some of you may be hating me right now. If you need to take a pass on viewing my pictures or reading my update today, I totally understand. 

First off, I want to wish Reagan a very happy 20th birthday! Her plan to celebrate yesterday was cancelled due to the weather. I’d hoped she might get a few inches of snow for her birthday today, but it looks like more ice is on the way. My guys both had man-dates on Saturday; Tim at a friend’s house and Pierce with his buddy at a Best Buddies Valentine’s party. Pierce made me a couple of Valentines. It was hard being away from Tim on Valentine’s Day, but we managed to work around the separation. 

I went to the Gypsy Market on Thursday and saw lots of beautiful things. Since I was on foot, I was limited to what I could carry in my backpack. I purchased 2 pieces of Mexican pottery for the garden, a hand painted mask, and a Mayan wooden puzzle box. 

The temperatures were pretty mild when I arrived in January, but the days are steadily heating up. I’ve gone outside to get sunshine a couple times a day. I continue to write and edit. I have a tentative book title in mind, and I’ve written what could be an introductory chapter. We shall see. 

I’ll keep it brief today so I can get back to writing. Stay safe and warm, Nashville!

Winter Sabbatical 2021: Week 5

It’s been a pretty chill week. While I go the the Farmer’s Market and do other grocery shopping for the week on Mondays, my Tuesday-Friday schedule has been pretty consistent: Wake up, walk on the beach while listening to a book or podcast, update journal, work out, eat breakfast, write or edit, eat lunch, write or edit, walk on the beach while listening to book or podcast, write or edit, shower, Netflix or read, dinner, Netflix, bed. I’m spending about 4 hours a day writing new material or editing old stuff. Saturday and Sunday are spent reading on my back porch, listening to the ocean, boats, and people on the beach. Today, I was told about the “Gypsy’s Market” that takes place every 2nd Thursday of the month, in the same location as the weekly Farmer’s Market. It’s hard to think about another 5 mile walk this week, having just completed my Monday trip. But there will be handcrafted items like jewelry and art, and this could be a welcomed change of scenery in a couple days. If I go, you’ll be sure to hear about it. 

In case you missed my Facebook post last week, I love this house so much, I’ve already booked it for January and February 2022! This place has been SO much better for me than Miami was last year. When I get back, I’ll have to start playing the lottery so I can buy a Mexican beach house of my own some day. Or I could just save the money I’d spend on tickets and put them in my beach house fund. It may take me 20 years to get that piggy bank filled up. I only have a couple of pictures this week. After 5 weeks here, I continue to be amazed at the piles of empty and perfect conch shells littering the beaches. I’m not much of a shell collector, so I leave them for others. I continue to find a few pieces of sea glass every day. I don’t think I can carry 10 pounds of glass home with me, so before I go, I’ll have to weed out all of the less than perfect pieces. I’ve been watching more Netflix:

-The Crown (Season 4)

-The History of Swear Words 

-Community (Seasons 1 and 2)

-Evil Genius

-Don’t F*** With Cats 

-The Keepers

-The Staircase. 

Yes friends, I am the stereotypical middle age white woman who’s fallen down the murder porn rabbit hole. Since Tim detests true crime shows, I’m binging them while I can. Shouldn’t this creep me out since I’m living here alone? Maybe, but it doesn’t. I watch a couple episodes of Community to lighten up the mood before bed.  I’ve also finished a few more books:

-Willa’s Grove by Laura Munson

-Draft No 4 by John McPhee

-The Writing Life by Annie Dillard

-Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

-On Writing by Stephen King

-Planting Native by Sharon Sorenson

Most of you know I make an effort to praise what I love and avoid trashing what I hate. I only enjoyed reading the last 3 books on that list, and the King and Lamott books were rereads. I forced myself through the John McPhee and Annie Dillard books about writing. I fail to see why these books are so highly regarded. McPhee had a few nuggets of wisdom, but I had to wade through lots of name dropping, reminders on every other page that he’s written for Time magazine and The New Yorker, and such long-winded setups of his stories I forgot what aspect of writing he was trying to illustrate. I mean, the man wrote an article for The New Yorker on oranges that was 40,000 words long…and was indignant that the editor had the audacity to remove 85% of the story to make it fit in that week’s issue. GET TO THE POINT, MAN. Dillard believes writing is a painful, arduous, and miserable process. I kept thinking, “Then why do you write? Why don’t you do something that makes you happy?” In Dillard’s opinion, not only is writing excruciating, there are very few brave souls who should accept the challenge, she being one of them; oh how she suffers for her art. I’m sorry, but how is this supposed to inspire me? What makes you believe you’re chosen for this profession and that the rest of us shouldn’t even bother? 

Lamott and King may not be elite literary scholars, but they’ve sold millions of books, so they’re obviously doing something right. They both acknowledge that most of us could write, and lots of us may even be good at it. Though most of us will never get a book deal, just the act of putting pen to paper can be fulfilling enough if we love to write and desire to learn how to make our words soar off of the page. I have no time for writers who make me feel like I’m a worthless piece of poop pursuing a fruitless endeavor. I’ll take my advice from people who know they don’t corner the market on being published writers and are eager to help us join their club. 

I am stepping down from my soapbox now and going for a walk on the beach.

Winter Sabbatical 2021: Week 4ish

This post is a few days late, because Tim was here this weekend. It’s longer than usual.

I’ve reached the halfway point. I still love it out here, but I did have to take a break from guacamole. Maybe I should cut back to making it just once a week. I’ve enjoyed the freezer meals from the Farmer’s Market to mix into my Mexican dinner repertoire. I’ve been to the Farmer’s Market 3 times now, and each time I have spent just a little bit more; I regret nothing. Last week, I had French Onion Mac and Cheese, and it was divine. Between my stocked pantry, frozen leftovers, and Farmer’s Market purchases, I should have enough dinners to carry me through to the end of my stay! 

Two Saturday mornings ago, I took my coffee down to the beach to search for sea glass. The lady I’d spoken to a few days prior was out collecting shells. I learned her name (Valerie) and that she’s from Canada. When she found out I was from America, we got into a discussion about politics. It’s enlightening to hear the viewpoint on American politics from an outsider, and how her country is directly affected. I told her about my kids, and I was surprised to hear that her job before retiring was teaching life skills to people with autism. She also cares for her nephew who, like Pierce, is an adult with autism. We compared Canadian and American resources for individuals with disabilities. I felt my world get just a bit smaller. Not only do I have an English-speaking neighbor, I also have a neighbor who understands EXACTLY the struggles that we endure because of autism.

Two Sundays ago, I spent another day without power. Apparently work was being done on our street, so a few houses were without power from about 6AM-3PM. I spent the day reading on the back porch. I’ve written the beginnings of a couple new essays, and I’ve done more editing to some old ones. 

Tim got in late Thursday night and spent the weekend with me. Since he rented a car, I was able to expand my boundaries a bit. We had dinner at a couple of upscale places in Merida, and everything was delicious. We pulled our masks down long enough to get a selfie outside of Porfirio’s. We found two places that reminded us of home. I got to shop at Costco!! I found pesto, goat cheese, and artichokes; I’ve yet to find any of those items in the Mexican supermarcados. I don’t think I can manage to eat it all before I leave, but I’ll have fun trying. We also found a Krispy Kreme! It was drive-thru only and we sat in line for about 25 minutes. WORTH IT. I overindulged this weekend, so I didn't mind the 4 mile walk to and from the market today. I will not be skipping any B.Fab workouts this week, for sure. 

Tim left this morning, but he’s already booked a ticket to come back at the end of February. We’ll be traveling home together. I know many people think it’s strange that we have this arrangement, separated for two months out of the year. In January, we spoke on the phone only twice. We did text each other a few times a day, though. There were times last month that we missed each other like crazy, but Tim hasn’t been resentful of my time away. We knew the pining would make our reunion that much sweeter. 

I think I noticed about 2 years ago that we had arrived at a new dynamic in our marriage. This April marks 30 years since our first date. We were children then, and we married before either of us had reached the legal drinking age. Like most marriages, ours has evolved and changed so many times over these 27 years. But through it all, I can’t think of a “rough patch” between the 2 of us that we’ve had to overcome; with the exception of my 3 clinical depression diagnoses, where I found it hard to love anyone. Many of our friends have reached the empty nest stage. We don’t have that luxury, but our conversations have changed just the same. With the lack of day to day parenting, a main topic of discussion has mostly disappeared. After telling each other about our day, we spend quite a lot of our evenings in silence. 

If you don’t know Tim, he is one of the most laid-back, go-with-the-flow people I’ve ever known. I’m the one that overanalyzes and stresses over change. This silence for me, in the beginning, was terrifying. Have we been together so long we’ve finally run out of things to talk about? I didn’t think we’d reach this place until we were old and retired. Should I be on Pinterest looking for lists of 20 questions or conversation starters? I got up the courage to broach the subject with Tim a while back, and asked him if it bothers him that we don’t talk as much anymore. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was nonplussed. Instead of fearing the silence, he saw it as an indication that we’d become so comfortable with each other, we didn’t think it necessary to fill the void with conversation. Just being in each other’s presence was enough, even if we’re both reading or doing our own things.

When Taylor Swift released Folklore last year, one song gave me chills and made me well up with tears the first time I heard it. The song, Peace, is about how difficult it is to be in a relationship with her, because of the media circus that would always follow her: “Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?” I found a different meaning in the lyrics. Being with me means that depression will always haunt us. But the lyric that made my heart skip a beat was about one of the things she could bring to a relationship: “Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other.” I can’t say I’m completely at ease with our lack of dialogue, but this lyric gave me a sense of comfort and that the place we’ve found ourselves is no cause for concern. For while we don’t have many words, our passion for one another is still strong. If I had to choose, without a doubt I’d take passion over the ability to keep a dinner conversation going.

Winter Sabbatical 2021: Week 3

It’s hard to fathom that I’ve been here 3 weeks already. Though my only goal for this trip is to avoid seasonal depression, I still feel guilt on those days I do nothing but read or make playlists on Apple Music. I turned on the TV for the first time last weekend to binge season 4 of The Crown, which shocked my AirBNB manager. She asked, “What have you been doing this whole time…reading?” It just so happens I’ve finished 9 books since I arrived:

The Family Upstairs by Lisa Jewell

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst

A Promised Land by Barack Obama

This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger

Don't Overthink It by Anne Bogel

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling (which I’d already read once before)

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie

A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry

Vegetable Gardening in the Southeast by Ira Wallace

I’m currently reading Willa’s Grove by Laura Munson, Ornamental Grasses of the Southeast by Peter Loewer, and an advance copy of The Folly of Hunting by my friend and coworker Adam Chapman.

Monday was an exciting day for me. When I walked on the beach that morning, I crossed paths with a woman I’ve seen in passing. In fact, she looked like one of the women that peeked in my window several days ago. Instead of the usual “Buenas Dias” I usually exchange with others, she greeted me with “Hello.” I was thrilled to have a conversation in English! She saw me searching for sea glass and told me that it was hard to find this year. Having never found sea glass on any of the public beaches I’ve been to in the states, I consider finding 4-5 pieces a day to be an abundance. We chatted briefly before continuing on our walks. 

Later that morning, I took a trip to the Farmer’s Market in Chuburna. I’d been stressing that morning, wondering if my Spanish was good enough to converse with the vendors. Getting there and back was a combination of shuttles, walking, and a motorbike taxi. As I arrived, the only people I saw outside were caucasian. Inside, none of the vendors were Mexican. Their signs were written in English, and everyone was speaking English. They must be part of the growing expat community in this area. There were soups, casseroles, baked goods, barbecued meats, and more. I blew every bit of cash I had on pierogis, cashew chicken, pulled pork, sourdough bread, brownies, and a small key lime pie. I’ve never been so excited to see American food! I will be making this part of my Monday routine for the duration of my stay. 

The vision of my memoir is becoming a little clearer. I never wanted to write a book about autism, because I don’t think the world really needs yet another book in this oversaturated market. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? But when I look at all I’ve written, the stories about Pierce and how his autism has shaped every aspect of my life seem to work best together. They’re certainly the least controversial stories about my life and thus the safest to publish. I’ve begun researching literary agents and publishing companies. It would be far easier to self-publish, and definitely the quickest way to get a finished product. It never hurts to explore all of my options, though.

Tim will be here in 7 days! I may not get a blog post up next Friday, but I’ll tell you about our visit shortly thereafter.

Winter Sabbatical 2021: Week 2

It’s sunny and beautiful as I write, which I appreciate even more than usual. Tuesday and Wednesday were gray, windy, and rainy. After staying cooped up inside for 2 days, I savored my walk on the beach Thursday. In 2 weeks time, I’ve acquired a fine collection of sea glass. My days are uneventful. Every morning, I open my kitchen windows and the sliding glass doors to the back patio. It’s a way to feel like I’m outside while I’m writing/editing. The temperatures are mild enough that I can stay cool from the cross-breeze alone. The sounds of the ocean and boats are a pleasant soundtrack. I see the maintenance man, an older gentleman, outside my window everyday, and Manuel always greets me with joy and enthusiasm. This street is a mixture of renovated beach homes and dilapidated structures waiting to be loved. I’ve had a couple of interesting encounters with some curious passers-by. As I was washing dishes one day, a car stopped and 2 women got out. One of them asked me something in Spanish, of course, and I had to explain that my Spanish isn’t great. Fortunately, one woman spoke some English, and she asked if the house was available to rent. I’d forgotten about the sign out front with a phone number for rental inquiries. I told her I was here until March. Another day, I was writing at the dining room table, when I heard voices (in English this time) coming from my front porch. I looked over just as 2 women and a young girl peeked into my windows. I think because I don’t have a car out front, they must’ve assumed no one was home. They were surprised to see me and embarrassed to be caught. We exchanged hellos before they scurried away. 

Last weekend, I picked up my first stack of warm and fresh corn tortillas. The aroma was sweet and comforting, and I wondered if anyone has thought to make a Corn Tortilla candle? I’ve made a couple of authentic dishes that I’m proud of. Last Sunday, I made huevos motuleños. I combined elements from 2 recipes I found on Pinterest (here and here) to get as close as possible to the version I had at the cafe. I was quite pleased with the results and will definitely make it again. On Monday, I made enchiladas verdes. I’d considered using a jarred sauce, but in the end I decided to try a homemade one using this recipe. There’s a definite learning curve to this oven. Now that I’ve figured out what I’m doing, my enchiladas will be much better next time. For my first go, the sauce was tangy and the corn tortillas were sweet. It’s obviously more work to make my own sauce, but I happen to have some free time. I’ve also made copious amounts of guacamole. I’m running out of ways to make meat, rice, and beans interesting. There’s a limited variety of spices here, most of them being suited to Mexican dishes. It’s difficult to make many other types of cuisine. I’ll have to get creative. 

I’ve done a little writing, keeping a daily journal of my time here. On Monday I began editing some of the material I’ve written for my one-of-these-days memoir. I’ve written loads of stories, but they can’t or shouldn’t all be published. I need to decide which stories work best together to make a cohesive book.  

There is a farmer’s market close by every Monday, so I plan to check that out next week. I’d love to see some of the Mayan ruins and cenotes (natural swimming pools in caves or sinkholes) in the area. This morning, I looked at some tours on the AirBNB app. There’s a few agencies listed in the welcome book for this house as well. I’ve contacted one to find out if they’re even doing tours right now; waiting to hear back. I’m a little intimidated by the thought of going alone, so I may wait until Tim’s visit in 2 weeks. I can’t wait to see him again. I have nothing more to report here, so adios until next week!

Winter Sabbatical 2021: Week 1

So, has anything interesting happened since I left? In my efforts to disconnect and find some peace, I had been staying away from social media and news sites. But since Reagan texted me on Wednesday, I’ve been doom-scrolling on Twitter and I hate myself for it. I won’t go into all of the emotions I’ve had over the last 48 hours. But when I woke up Thursday morning, I was greeted with an ocean so still, calm, and peaceful, I spent most of the day outside, trying to breathe it all in, willing it to consume my soul. It is becoming easier to step away from my phone.

I can’t believe I’ve been here a whole week already! I’ve had a couple of hiccups, but I love it out here. I can barely pull my eyes away from the ocean. Some mornings it’s just me with my coffee and the pelicans diving for their breakfasts. Other mornings, the locals are scavenging for conch and other shellfish. Every evening, I comb “my” little stretch of beach in search of sea glass, and I never walk away empty-handed.

I’ve only ventured out 3 times, so I haven’t experienced much of the local culture. On Saturday, I walked 1.5 miles to Cafe France, a lovely breakfast place Tim and I discovered during our reconnaissance mission last July. The same waitress greeted me; on the 3 visits I’ve made, I’ve never seen this young lady without a beaming smile. The huevos motuleños are fabulous. It took a real effort to stop myself from cleaning the plate, since I knew I had a 1.5 mile trek back to the house after breakfast. I have looked up a recipe or two for this dish, and I plan to attempt one of them this weekend. On Sunday, I walked another 1.5 miles to Costa Azul, also a restaurant Tim and I enjoyed last summer. Their camarones al coco (coconut shrimp) was just as delicious as it was in my memory. Also on Sunday, I took my first solo shuttle ride into Progresso for groceries (easy-peasy). At Bodega, I managed to fill a grocery cart, and I worried a little about how I was going to lug all of it home on a shuttle, as catching one back to Chelem from this location proved rather difficult for Tim and I last time. Fortunately, a line of taxis sat outside the exit, and I was escorted over to one right away. It cost a good bit more than the shuttle (though the US equivalent was only $4), but the hassle it saved me was well worth the extra money. My cab driver spoke a little English, which saved me from butchering the directions in Spanish. 

My one big hiccup was a 24-hour power outage. For several hours, I had one working outlet, thanks to a neighbor that allowed me to hook 4 connected extension cords to his house, so the food in my fridge didn’t spoil and I could keep my cellphone charged. As I am in a tiny rural Mexican town, the power company lacks the efficiency of NES, so it took a full day for them to get to me. I was fortunate to have mild temperatures, so I was able to maintain a good cross-breeze indoors with the windows open. Otherwise, I have had good WiFi. I’ve even been able to do a couple virtual workouts with my B.Fab crew! The house is secure. In fact, I set the alarm off when I opened the sliding glass door one morning before deactivating the system. Coffee was a formality that morning, as I was quite awake without the caffeine.

I struggled with whether or not to share my Mexico stories or pictures of the ocean while the majority of you are in coats and scarves. For most of my life, there were people who made me feel guilty for any good fortune I happened to inherit. This in turn made me apologize more than necessary, keep things to myself to prevent any jealousy, and feel terrible for flaunting. But my 40s have taught me that it is high time I stop worrying how I’m perceived. There are many people in my life who want to share in my joy, and it is for you I write this and post my pictures. Thank you, and I’ll check in with you next week!

The Final Countdown

My flight to Mexico leaves in less than 36 hours, and yes, I am excited. I am also in FULL CATASTROPHIZING FREAKOUT MODE. My brain is scrolling through every worst case scenario it can imagine. I already hate flying, and the plane from Miami to Merida is much smaller than I’m used to. I think one of the worst aspects of flying for me is the total lack of control I have over travel. Security could take forever, flights could be delayed, my luggage is being handled by strangers and it may or may not make it onto the right plane. I don’t get to choose my seat mate, and I can’t move if I don’t like said seat mate. I can’t control the lights, sounds, or temperature the way I can in the car. I can’t pull over for a snack break or to stretch my legs. You get the picture. I’ve been packing for days, and I’m already paralyzed by the WHAT AM I FORGETTING? panic. Usually I can tell myself, “It’s ok. You can buy what you forget once you get there.” But Mexico’s Walmarts are WAY different than Nashville’s (duh). There’s a whole lot of stuff I won’t be able to find in their supermercados. 

I know, I know. No one wants to hear any complaints from me about taking 2 months off to be a beach bum. I’m not looking for hand-holding or comments like, “Relax! You’ll be fine!”, because when in the history of ever has telling an anxious person to “just relax” been an effective method of calming them down? NEVER. Some of you are worried about little ol me traveling alone in another country and understandably so. I am a little terrified myself. So maybe I’m writing this as much for me as I am for all of you. Here are some things about my trip you should know.

• Chelem is a very small, very quiet town; no tourist traps or hustlers. It’s actually increasing in popularity among expats.
• My AirBNB has a security system.
• Tim and I stayed in this house for a week in July to make sure it would be safe for me to stay there alone, and we had no concerns.
• I am a one mile walk from restaurants.
• There is a shuttle from Chelem to Progresso for 2 pesos a person. Progresso is 10 miles away from Chelem, where there are supermarkets and more restaurants.
• My AirBNB host has arranged for a driver to pick me up at the airport in Merida (which is about 30 miles from Chelem) AND this driver will take me to a supermarket to pick up groceries before driving me to the AirBNB. 
• Tim is hoping to join me for a few days in late January/early February.
• My español is…decent enough…I hope…

In Miami, I maintained radio silence for the 6 weeks I was there (meaning no posts on social media). In Mexico, I’m thinking I may post a weekly update so no one worries whether or not I’m still alive out there. It is not lost on me how fortunate I am to have this opportunity. I will do my best to appreciate and savor every minute. May your 2021 be a helluva lot better that this hot dumpster fire mess that was 2020.