This is the final few days of my 30's. I'm not handling the prospect of turning 40 very well, and honestly, I can't even explain why. I have very few regrets, and I'm right where I wanted to be at this age. Wanting to hold on to my youth isn't a vanity thing. I've just seen so much sickness in my family, that I know the odds of maintaining my health for much longer are not in my favor. I feel like I've stayed healthy in spite of the gene pool from which I came (no offense, mom and dad, but I've been dealt a pretty crappy hand). Even though the possibility of my body failing me sooner rather than later looms ahead of me, I try my best to remain positive and optimistic, but sometimes, that's easier said than done.
As one is wont to do at life's milestones, I've been ruminating on my past and wondering what are some of the most important lessons I've learned in life. I struggled in the beginning, and was afraid I wouldn't find as many as I wanted to share. But in the end, I had to edit my list, and combine a few similar ones to make room. Some are serious, some are silly. A few I've forgotten and had to relearn, and I may continue to relearn over the coming years. To all of my friends and family, thank you for walking with me for the past 40 years and helping to make this life interesting and worth living. To people I've hurt in the past, I'm sincerely sorry, and I hope I can be forgiven.
Ok, enough of that mushy business. Here, without further ado, are my top 40 life lessons (in no particular order):
1 We don't remain those obnoxious kids we were in high school (thank GOD!). The kids that pick on you, will one day be responsible grownups, who are very sorry for the crappy way they treated people in their youth.
2 The world continues to turn after you drop out of college, and you WILL survive without a degree.
3 A credit card is NOT a "golden ticket" to obtain the lifestyle you want as a poor college kid.
4 You can never, ever, EVER suck back the words you say once they exit your mouth. And while forgiveness may be granted to you for the hurt your words inflicted, those words will leave scars that never fade. Lashing out at someone in retaliation will never make your hurt go away. Most times, it just makes the situation worse. Whoever came up with "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names (words) will never hurt me" is a big fat liar and deserves a punch in the face.
5 No matter how clever, funny, nice, or charming you think you are, there will ALWAYS be people out there that don't like you...AND THAT IS OK. Also, there will always be someone smarter, prettier, and more talented than you...AND THAT IS OK.
6 Naps are good.
7 The days are long, but the years are short.
8 Never take your hamsters outside in their plastic cage on a HOT summer day...and forget about them. It's not pretty, folks. RIP, Nibbles and Susie.
9 The best thing you can say to someone who's grieving is "I love you and I'm praying for you". Few people out there have the ability to speak words of comfort to the grieving; you are probably not one of them. Don't fill the void with philosophical crap, and DEFINITELY don't try to speak for God. If you don't know what to say, say nothing. Just sit with them in silent support.
10 Do what you love to do, even if YOU think you suck at it. Don't let fear of failure hold you back. Never stop learning. Always be willing to try something new. It may just be your next favorite thing.
11 Don't assume that you must be immune to the chicken pox, just because all those times you were exposed to them as a kid, you never broke out. And don't be stupid enough to assure a parent you're immune so you can babysit their sick kids. Because you CAN get chicken pox the summer before your senior year of high school. Yeah.
12 Don't ever assume that the people you love know what you expect of them. No mater how much you love or think you know each other, NO ONE can read your mind. Remember, when you assume, you make an ass of you and me.
13 Don't be smug if you managed to dodge that acne-bullet in your teens, because it will hit you eventually. It IS possible to be battling age spots AND zits simultaneously. ALSO, don't be smug if you've spent your youth eating whatever you want and not gaining a pound. Your metabolism WILL slow down and eventually go in reverse.
14 Don't dread having teenagers in the house. Those may just be your most fun parenting years yet.
15 The car, even with windows sealed, is NOT sound-proof. You can be heard by someone a few feet away.
16 Don't rent an apartment or go on vacation with someone you barely know. They may take you straight to Crazy Town.
17 There is no "right way" to birth or feed a baby. Don't let mommy-guilt win. And moms, we need to stop inflicting the mommy-guilt on other young moms.
18 You can love God and have a faith that would move mountains, but depression can still creep in and take control of your brain. Depression IS a disease, and taking medication does NOT make you any less of a Christian.
19 God is not up there with a checklist playing Whack-A-Mole when someone screws up.
20 "Train up a child" will only take you so far. Inherited faith is shallow faith. Ask questions (God can handle it) and explore the reality of what you've always been told is truth. Own your faith.
21 The world is not as black and white as you thought it was as a kid.
22 Never shop for groceries when you're hungry.
23 When you display a fake persona, you are doing no one any favors. People will only feel betrayed when they discover the real you. Don't pretend life is great when it's not. Blowing sunshine up someone's skirt is never appreciated.
24 No matter how boring you think your life is, get it down on paper or in pictures. Preserve your history.
25 People will not like you if you're constantly trying to one-up them in a conversation. You don't have to have the better story. Actively listen, instead of mentally composing your next line in the conversation.
26 Reaching a point in your relationship where you don't have much to say is NOT a bad thing. Be comfortable with and enjoy the silence.
27 A kidney stone IS worse than labor pains.
28 While being called "cute" or mistaken for 10 years younger than your actual age may seem like an insult in your 20's and 30's, you will absolutely LOVE hearing things like this one day.
29 Just because you make great friends, doesn't mean you'll make great business partners.
30 Adolescent boys' bedrooms STINK. I don't know why, they just do. Trust me.
31 Unless you have received confirmation of a pregnancy, never, ever, EVER ask a woman when her baby is due. It'll be embarrassing and awkward for both of you if there is, in fact, no baby on board. Also...NEVER touch a pregnant belly unless you've been invited to do so. Some people might consider that rude.
32 Our secrets keep us sick.
33 Don't put people on a pedestal. They are human, they make mistakes, and they WILL disappoint you.
34 If you obstetrician suggests you could gain some weight by eating tofu (because it's high in protein), cook it first. Don't EVER eat it raw, ESPECIALLY if you're pregnant and queasy.
35 As Americans, we like to talk about our rights and what we deserve or feel entitled to. I mean, come on; we live by the Bill of Rights. Well, Jesus told us that as sinners, what we DESERVED was death. Fortunately, he took on our sin and shame and served that term for us, giving us life eternal. If we never get anything else for as long as we live, His gift was ENOUGH. Don't tell people what you deserve.
36 Snopes.com is your friend. SERIOUSLY. Don't spam your friends and family with rumors and false information. Do a little research.
37 Never underestimate the healing power of a good belly laugh. And on the contrary, hugs are NOT healing to everyone.
38 You will never regret being kind.
39 Getting your hands dirty in the garden or cranking up your stereo is some of the best (and cheapest) therapy.
40 Contrary to the famous Jerry Maguire quote, a spouse can not complete you. Compliment you, yes. Don't depend on them for your very existence. Develop close friendships, find hobbies, be comfortable in your own skin. You don't have to do everything together, or enjoy ALL the same things to be happy together. You had an identity before marriage; don't forget that.
