I LOOOOOOOVE CAMP!!!!

A couple weeks ago, I shared the story of how Pierce was involved in the theme and artwork for Otter Creek Christian Camp this year. I said in that post that I had another aspect about camp that I wanted to write, and that deals with Pierce's journey at OCCC.

In 2010, we had been a part of Otter Creek for little more than a year. That summer, Reagan would be a rising 4th grader and Pierce a rising 6th grader. We expected for Reagan to go to camp, and wondered if Pierce would be able to handle it. We were encouraged to sign Pierce up. Camp director Jamon Martin met with us a couple of months beforehand. If you know Jamon, then you'll recognize the title of this blog post as his "catchphrase". He told us that Pierce would be their first autistic camper, and he was EXCITED about the challenge. He wanted camp to be a place for ALL children. He didn't sugarcoat anything; he was scared, but not so scared that he wasn't willing to give this a shot. He knew we were nervous about sending our child, who was prone to wander, out to a large wooded camp in the middle of nowhere, but Jamon assured us that someone would be with Pierce 24/7. We told him that we felt relieved that his little sister (who very much acts like his big sister) would be there with Pierce, but we didn't want her to miss out on any fun because she was constantly looking out for him. He said he'd try to make sure this wasn't an issue. 

The day came to drop our kids off at camp. I was a nervous wreck. This wouldn't be Pierce's first sleep away camp, but his other experience was Camp Discovery, a camp specifically for special needs kids. Most of my fears subsided, though, when we pulled up to Pierce's cabin. One of the 6th grade boys, coincidentally Jamon's son Gunner, yelled out, "Pierce is here!!". He and a couple other boys came running over to greet him. I can't explain the peace I felt, but I just knew that Pierce was in a place where he would be loved on and watched over. I heard nothing but great things at the end of the week. Reagan was able to enjoy herself, although she did admit that there were times she worried a bit about how her brother was doing. At Camp Night a few weeks later, I saw a slide show filled with happy pictures of Pierce. To my knowledge, there weren't any meltdowns or incidents of him trying to run from upsetting situations. It seemed to be a place where he was happy and carefree, and the campers loved having him there. He loved it! Every year, anticipation for camp was almost greater than that of Christmas. 

Pierce and Reagan OCCC 2010

Pierce and Jamon

He LOVED the giant slip 'n slide

Pierce's cabin mates (a few 6th grade boys)

This year, I was blessed to experience camp first-hand. Pierce was totally in his element, as comfortable as being at home. This was his last year at camp. The rising seniors dress up in a different theme before dinner every night. After a mix-up the first night where Pierce didn't make it out in the clothes I'd labeled for him, those senior guys made sure that Pierce was ready for all the theme nights to follow. They watched out for him, almost more than the counsellors and staff, and made every effort to include him in all the senior rituals. One night, they dressed in 50s attire, which I thought was an odd choice. Then during dinner, We Go Together from Grease came blaring over the speakers. The seniors jumped up and did a choreographed dance number...and Pierce was right up there with them! The seniors had met a few times before camp, but didn't know how to get Pierce there without tipping us off. They met and rehearsed the first night of camp, and Pierce learned the whole dance with them that night. Turns out Pierce likes to dance. On Monday night, we had a dance party. He was right in the middle of it, jumping all around. At one point, he grabbed an inflatable flamingo that was on the stage as part of an earlier skit. He had it by the neck, shaking it and dancing. I got coaxed out onto the dance floor when the Spice Girls came on, and he came wandering over. I took his hand, and, floppy deflating flamingo in his other hand, we danced together for a minute or two. Then he and his flamingo danced away. Such a sweet moment that I'll never forget. Years ago, the loud music would've sent him over the edge. But in recent years, he's learned to appreciate the loud youth group environment. Game nights were always some version of "capture the flag". Pierce mostly wandered the field during these games, but occasionally his teammates would remind him whose flags he was supposed to pull. He'd target someone and chase them relentlessly, until the kid being chased finally gave up and let him pull their flag. EVERY. TIME. Trust me, these kids wanted to win, but they had a soft spot in their heart for Pierce and didn't mind losing their flag to him. Some of them even cheered with him when he managed to "catch" one of them! He loved all of the silly camp songs, but also loved the worship music and would sing along just as loudly as the other kids. It was such a joy to watch him praise God with all of his friends.

Seniors with Jamon Martin

Pierce pulled a flag!

He's proud of himself

Senior guys on 50s night

Staff that had been going to camp since Pierce's first year told us how much they loved having him there. Some even said that they felt it was just as beneficial to the other campers as it was for Pierce. One day, I was sitting with Jamon as we waited out a giant storm. He echoed the sentiment that having Pierce there was great for the entire camp. I told him how grateful I was for Pierce to be there. He admitted to me then that he'd been terrified that first year, but so glad he took the challenge. He said that these kids will carry their experiences with Pierce into other aspects of their lives. It will forever change the way they interact with people who are different than they are. He thanked ME for trusting HIM and for sharing Pierce with camp. On the last morning of small group time (a mixture of campers and staff), we decided to go around the circle and tell our camp highlights. When it got to me, I couldn't hold back the tears. I told this group of kids that the whole week had been a highlight. That they couldn't possibly know how much it meant to me to watch how loving and accepting they were of Pierce. That I was so grateful for all of them. When I finished, one of the senior boys in our group quietly said, "Pierce is special to us, too". 

I was teary all week long. My heart was about to burst witnessing the joy Pierce was experiencing, watching my children together in a place that's so dear to both of them. And along with that emotion, I felt profound emptiness that his camp journey was over. Every "last" of camp was bittersweet. Sure, he'll still be able to go to Camp Discovery (they take campers from 8-years-old to 80), but it won't be the same when he's surrounded by kids like him, most of whom can barely communicate with him. Being with his "normal" peers stretches him in ways I'd never imagine. And knowing that he won't have this kind of camp experience again makes me ache. It has been suggested that maybe there's a staff position he could fill so that he could be at camp another year or two, but there would be lots of logistics to work out before that could be a possibility. Reagan has 2 more years of camp left, and I'd love for all of us to be at camp together again before she graduates. So, I'm not ruling anything out.

OCCC has been a gift to our family, one I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. Oh that every church had a Jamon Martin, a man so passionate about camp being a place for EVERY kid. He never once suggested that either Tim or I would need to accompany Pierce for him to be able to attend camp. And we had faith in Jamon and other OCCC staff that they would not simple "babysit" Pierce for a week, but that they'd include him in camp activities and make him feel like any other camper there. Thank you, God, for people that dedicate their lives to being the hands and feet of Jesus to "the least of these". Thank you for Otter Creek Christian Camp. Thank you for these campers that gave Pierce the same respect they'd give any "normal" camper. Thank you for the opportunity to watch Pierce be a part of a church family. In the words of every OCCC camper every morning, I LOOOOOOOVE CAMP!!!

The Story

This past week, my husband and I were blessed to join our kids at church camp as staff members. Those of you that REALLY know me may have been surprised to hear that I VOLUNTEERED to do this. With the exception of my love of gardening, I am an indoor girl. I don't "rough it". I love my roomy shower and a big hot water tank. I adore my pillow-top mattress and sheets with the ridiculously high thread count. Air conditioning; sweet, glorious AC. Oh, and have I mentioned that I am a ginormous introvert? Being hot and sweaty all week, constantly surrounded by people, sleeping on a rock-hard bunk bed, and getting 3-4 minute-long lukewarm (but mostly cold) showers has NEVER appealed to me. Our kids, on the other hand, LOVE camp. People involved with camp over the years have told us how wonderful it is to have Pierce there, to watch him get so much out of it, and how sweet the other campers are with him. Last year, Reagan told us how she wished we could experience camp. She felt she just couldn't do it justice by simply telling us all of the things she loved about it, and how cool it was to see Pierce in a place he loved so much. This summer, Pierce would be a rising senior, and it would be his last year at camp. Tim and I made the decision that we would all attend camp as a family.

Our camp theme for the week was "The Story". We studied Jonah, Saul's conversion, and Peter and Cornelius. We focused on how we write our stories; how we have choices for our path; that no matter what choices we make or what happens in our story, God is working through it all. All week, some amazing people shared their stories. Well, I have an incredible story to share, but there are 2 different facets to it. The first is Pierce's involvement in this year's camp theme, and the second is how Pierce was welcomed into this camp experience years ago and watching him as a senior this year. Here's part one of my story.

This past school year, Pierce took an art class. This is a kid that HATED to draw or color when he was little. But in recent years, he's tried drawing some of his favorite VeggieTales characters. So I knew he had at least some artistic talent. Debbie Bagley was assigned as his Ed. Assistant for that class. It just so happens that Debbie attends Otter Creek Church of Christ with us. She emailed a few of his pictures to me, and I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw. Unbeknownst to us, in February, she told David Rubio, one of our ministers that works with our youth group, about Pierce's artistic talent and suggested that maybe one of his drawings could be used on an OCYG (Otter Creek Youth Group) tshirt. David thought that was a great idea and tried to figure out the best opportunity to use it. With about a month of school left, David came to watch Pierce compete in the Special Olympics. That day, he told Tim and I that he was planning to use Pierce's artwork for the camp tshirt this year, but told us this was top secret information. Honestly, I envisioned some simple little design that would look cute on a tshirt. Though Pierce had had a few art pieces displayed in the school art show and gotten the award for Most Improved Artist in his life skills program, I still couldn't imagine the depth of his talent. A month later, we were at the camp staff meeting. We were told that the theme had to do with the idea of story and how life was like a "choose your own adventure" book. Camp director Jamon Martin told us that the banner/tshirt art would be something amazing and very special. At this point, Tim and I had seen nothing. We were going to be just as surprised as everyone else at the final product. 

On June 26th, all four of us made the trek to camp. Tim and I were given pretty basic, white staff tshirts. We were told that name tags and schedules would be forthcoming, but we couldn't have them yet. Being new to this camp thing, I thought this meant we'd have to play some kind of mixer game to get our stuff, but the staff veterans seemed to be in the dark as well. The campers all arrived, and it was time for camp kickoff. This is where the banner containing the camp theme and artwork would be revealed. This is always a secret for the kids, but this was the first time that details had been on such a lockdown for most of the staff. Only a few people knew about Pierce's involvement, and 2 of those were me and Tim. All of the campers' parents are supposed to be gone by this time (except staff, of course). Debbie Bagley had come up to drop her daughter off, but she stuck around for the reveal because she, too, had a hint about what was coming. We sat with the staff at the back of the room, while our kids sat with their friends. After a couple of silly camp songs, David called Jamon and high school youth minister Nicole Hendley to the stage. In their hands, they held the rolled-up banner. David told the campers that this year's artwork was very special, because he had commissioned an award winning artist to draw it. He told the kids that even if they weren't familiar with the Nashville "art scene", they would recognize the name. He continued talking to draw out the suspense as long as he could, and the longer he talked, the more teary I became. Finally he asked for a drum roll, and Jamon and Nicole dropped the banner to much applause. It was a huge treasure map! Even from the back of the room, I could see it was very detailed and must've taken him weeks to complete. I was stunned! As the applause died down, David told the kids that the artist was in the room with them. He asked whomever drew the picture on the banner to please come to the stage. There was lots of chatter, but no one moved. He began to spell out "P-I-E-R...", and Pierce finally realized what was going on. Debbie hadn't told him the drawings were going on a shirt, because she didn't know for certain what David was going to do with them. He recognized the artwork on the banner as the pictures he'd drawn months ago. When Pierce got up and walked to the stage, the room leapt to their feet. Campers and staff were crying. Tim, Reagan, and I were an absolute wreck. He stood and looked at the banner for a second, then turned to look at the room full of people...all cheering for HIM. He was beaming with pride. Once the room finally calmed down, David asked him what he thought about the picture. Pierce said, "It's about The Story". He started to go sit down, but David put an arm around him and gave a summary of what the kids would be learning about this week. He then acknowledged that Pierce's whole family would be at camp for the week, and he called the rest of us up. As soon as she saw me, Reagan asked if I'd known about this. I nodded, and she said, "You knew and didn't tell me?!" I said that I'd wanted her to be surprised along with all of the other campers. Pictures were made of all 4 of us with our puffy eyes and tear-streaked faces, standing in front of the banner. Of course, Pierce didn't understand why the rest of us were so emotional. He was just grinning from ear to ear.

Later that day, I got my tshirt, name tag, and schedule, and finally got to focus a little better on all of the detail. The treasure map was on the back of the tshirt, and the full map was on the cover of the schedule book. Parts of the map were scattered throughout the book and on the back cover. There was also an island from the drawing on everyone's name tag. I was in awe. PIERCE did THIS?!

At dinner that night, I was flooded with questions. I told people that beyond knowing Pierce was involved, I was as clueless about the details as they were. Pierce's art teacher, Emily Martinez, also attends Otter Creek, and she was there for the reveal as well. We got to chat for just a bit, and she told me that Debbie worked with Pierce for about 30 minutes a day, everyday, on these drawings, and that Debbie was the one that made the suggestion to David that Pierce's artwork could be used for something great. Pierce was told that they wanted a treasure map, and he was shown lots of pictures that would work. He chose from those what he wanted to draw, and they were able to use a few pictures he'd already drawn earlier in the school year. Emily was the one that compiled them all together for the finished product. I didn't get to talk to Debbie before she left, but once I got home, I emailed her. She shared a few more details. She began the school year modifying his art assignments but quickly saw potential in Pierce. When he finished an assignment early one day, she gave him a step-by-step drawing book and was amazed at the finished product. She began challenging him with harder pictures, and he did a fabulous job with them. Earlier this year, the students were taught how to draw using a grid technique. By putting a picture on a grid, Pierce could copy the picture nearly perfectly onto his own blank grid. This was the method he used to draw all of the pictures for the banner. Debbie says, "Pierce worked so so hard. I would say, can you draw another picture, he would always respond 'yes!'" ...he really surprised me too with his artwork. This project forced us to push his limits. Trying to find things he could draw, that high schoolers would want to wear, forced him to have to try harder things. I wasn't sure he could do the dragon, and when he easily did, I wasn't sure about the alligator or even the treasure chest. But he worked so hard and did so well!"

It was a super emotional week, seeing Pierce's drawings all over camp, hearing how moved and impressed people have been. For the first couple of nights, the banner was used as an actual treasure map for the nightly skits in worship. The last couple of nights, it hung over the stage while kids raised their hands in praise and worship. Some have said this is the most special theme reveal and artwork the camp has ever seen. There were 13 baptisms at camp, and some of these kids want Pierce's artwork as a memento of their "birthday". On the final day, the banner was laid out on 2 big tables, and campers and staff signed their names in Sharpie, following a long-standing camp tradition. The island that contains Pierce's signature ("Mouse Island") was reserved just for his parents and sister to sign. When Pierce got home Friday, he dug his camp shirt out of his trunk and put it on. He stuck out his chest and ran over to me. I said, "You drew the picture on the back." He spun around and tried to look at it. I asked him if he was proud of himself. He grinned and answered, "Yeah", then went on his merry way. I don't think he has any idea what a big deal this is to me and everyone who knows and loves him. This kid that just couldn't figure out how to tap into his creative side when he was little, has discovered a skill that I could never have imagined he had within him. This child that's known by all of the youth group as a quirky teen that can make you laugh with Pixar movie quotes, has created something so special that these teenagers were moved to tears. Will he ever fathom the enormity of this moment? Teens and adults are in awe, but Pierce?...he just knows he had a great week at camp and got a pretty cool t-shirt.

Faking It

On March 6th, I auditioned for an annual production called Listen To Your Mother. The cast reads essays they have written about motherhood. These can be aspects of being a mom, having a mom, or having/being a mother figure. I went to last year's show with a friend that has read my blog and knows a couple of the producers. I didn't think I could possibly write anything remotely as good as what I heard, but my friend encouraged me to audition anyway. There were about 90 people vying for a dozen slots, so I knew my chances were slim going in. Still, I summoned up some courage and gave it a go. The producers could see right away that I was a nervous wreck, but they were not at all intimidating and did their best to put me at ease. I choked up a couple of times, but I managed to get through the piece without totally losing my composure. Yesterday morning, I awoke to find an email in my inbox informing me that my piece was not selected for the show. A few people knew I was auditioning and wanted to read what I wrote, so I'm sharing it on my blog. I'm grateful to Listen To Your Mother for encouraging people (especially women, but not limited to) to tell their stories. After all, we ALL have a mother-story of some sort; even if you grew up without a mom or have memories of a difficult childhood, it's your story and it should be told. Will I audition for next year's show? I don't know. I'm learning that as long as I'm in a chorus that competes every April AND I work in a garden center, I should limit the activities on my Spring calendar to try and preserve some sanity (which is why I'm not totally disappointed that I didn't get in. It's one less thing on my to-do list.) Why did I audition in the first place, if I'm so busy right now? LTYM was another opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and do something challenging and scary. It's good to stretch yourself. So, without further ado, here is my audition piece. BTW, I say Pierce is 18, because if I'd made it into the show, he would be by then. We still have a few more weeks of 17.

My son loves Legos, Pixar movies, and Minions. His favorite book is The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and he has heard or read it so many times, he can recite it from memory. At the dinner table, he sits on his haunches with his knees tucked under his chin. He runs everywhere he goes. He burps loudly in public, and we have to remind him to use his manners. When friends or family come to visit, he proudly shows off his latest artwork or Lego creation. He learned a joke this summer that he delighted in repeating: What is the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?...ARRRRRRRR. He LOVES to sing, especially songs from VeggieTales videos. He plays them on the computer and sings "Oh wheeeeeeeere is my hairbrush?" as loud as he can.

He sounds like a typical little boy...only he's not. My son is 6 feet tall, 18 years old, and autistic. He is a junior in high school. But while all of his friends are visiting college campuses with their parents, we must contemplate a different future. Instead of the "college track", we are on the "survival" track. He attends a high school with a fantastic life skills program. Oh we pretended for several years that he would obtain a college education. But one day as a 12-year-old, his usual habit of riding laps around the house on his bike turned into an adventure when he drove away and disappeared. This prompted us to call 911 and led to a team of police stopping 5 lanes of northbound traffic on interstate 65 where they finally found him, 5 miles from our house, riding frantically beside the concrete barrier. It was at that point we realized that working so hard to water down facts about ancient Mesopotamian culture in a way he could understand was a waste of energy, if he couldn’t grasp the concept of how dangerous it was to cruise down the interstate among traffic going 70 miles a hour.

So here we are at 18. I get lots of questions. "Will he graduate with his class? Will he go to college? Will he get a job? What kind of job does he want to pursue? Will he live at home with you, or do you think he can have his own place?" Fortunately, he qualifies for services through the school system until he's 22-years-old.

Through all of his challenges, he's made some wonderful accomplishments. When I share these achievements with friends and family over social media, I get high praise: "You're such a great mom!" "You and your husband are wonderful parents!" I even get the “God knew just what he was doing by giving YOU a kid as special as your son.” But I'm going to let you in on a secret. I am just making this up as I go. The honest answer to most of those questions I've been getting is "I don't have a clue what's next." People have asked me if there are any group homes available for him locally. I don't know. I haven't even looked. Last year, there was a special on Dateline about parents caring for their adult autistic children. I got reminders from friends; people posted about it on my Facebook page. It is on our DVR at home, unwatched. I just can't go there. Not yet. My façade shows a mom who's got it all together, but inside, I know I'm faking it. I don't like to be less than genuine by sharing only the good stuff on social media, but I do leave out the ugly parts of the story. I don't tell you about those Saturdays when he's been sitting on the computer a couple of hours singing and repeating the same line of dialogue over and over and OVER again until I'm ready to throw myself from the second story window. I don’t talk about how jealous I am of his friends' parents as they watch their kids drive wherever they want and help them pick out a college. Their sons will likely get married and have kids of their own, while my son is stuck in eternal childhood. 

Still, even though I've been winging it, I have a deep-seated faith that we will make it through this next phase of my son’s life without too many bumps or bruises. After all, he’s made it to adulthood without me ruining him. I tend to believe he thrives in spite of me, not because of me. Maybe that's why I'm not overly concerned with mapping out right now the future that will happen 4 years from now, when his time in public education is over. God knows autism is constantly throwing curve-balls, so even the best laid plans fall to pieces sometimes. Parents of typical children may see me and other parents of special needs kids as these amazing, strong people. But we’re just doing what most parents in our shoes would do: We carry on, and tackle whatever life throws at us to the best of our ability. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and even though the challenges of raising an autistic child was not in the brochure, bailing when parenting gets too hard for any mere mortal was NEVER an option.  So I’m strapping in for the dark tunnel full of unknowns on this windy road we're traveling and trusting we’ll come out unscathed on the other side.