A Change Is Gonna Come (Part 2)

It's been 8 months since I began this journey. I have lost 23 pounds. And it has taken me all 8 months to lose them. I would get so discouraged in the beginning. Working out 4 times a week and eating better, only to GAIN 2 pounds at the end of the week. I'm now about 5 pounds from my goal weight, but I'm totally happy right here. I'm looking better than I have since 1998 B.C. (Before Children). But honestly, the best part about this whole process is how I feel both physically and emotionally. I have so much more energy! I used to wake up, and my first thought was, "How soon can I get a nap today?" On Wednesday, I napped for the first time in weeks, and it was only for 30 minutes, as opposed to the 2-hour napfests I used to have on a regular basis. Part of this is from weight loss, part of this is from my job at Bates Nursery. This job has given me a purpose that I didn't have before (and a reason to get up off of the couch and DO SOMETHING), and it's helped to get me in better shape by unloading flat after flat after FLAT of flowers and plants. Aside from the increase in energy and strength, losing the weight has given me confidence. Just as my local chorus and church praise team have helped me to find the courage to put my vocal talent to use, b.fab has helped me "bring sexy back". I no longer feel the need to hide my body in baggy clothes, or stand still when everyone else in the room is dancing (for fear of looking like Elaine from Seinfeld dancing at her office party). It's been a long time since I've felt sexy. I still have moments of feeling like a dork in .funk class (I can't body roll to save my life, but I can grapevine like nobody's business), but for the most part, I have lost a lot of my inhibitions, and I'm willing to let loose, no matter how goofy I feel sometimes. A couple of months ago, I started leading our physical warm-ups at chorus rehearsals about once every 6 weeks or so. I NEVER would've volunteered to do this a few years ago! 

So this brings me to the whole body shaming issue. I'm 5'2", and I was 143 pounds back in January. Putting these numbers into a BMI calculator had me categorized as overweight. Yet, if I said anything about needing to lose a few pounds, people would gasp in horror. "Oh stop it, you don't need to lose anything. Whatever." Maybe I hid it well, maybe people were just trying to be polite, but I was overweight. Once I started losing the weight, I started getting comments like, "OK, you can stop now." Or, "Are you sure you're remembering to eat?" When I looked up my BMI a few days ago, I discovered that a normal range for someone of my height is 101-136 pounds. I am in the middle of this range, nowhere near in danger of becoming emaciated. I assure you, folks, I do not have a weight loss obsession, or an eating disorder. I don't need your pity or concern if I choose to order a salad for dinner. Because I'm working so hard, and a lot of people know I'm working hard, I mostly don't mind hearing, "Gah! You're so skinny!" But part of me goes back to my high school days when I WAS super skinny, and I was CONSTANTLY getting teased about my weight. I HATED being so skinny. Telling me I should just eat some donuts or something was not at all helpful. Believe me, I was eating All. The. Time. Unless you are a doctor or an internet troll, the vast majority of us wouldn't dream of telling someone they should skip that pizza for dinner or they could stand to lose a few pounds. Why do we think it's ok to tell someone "You're so skinny! Eat a sandwich or something!" Can't we just be cheerleaders? Do we HAVE to give commentary on everyone's size? If you notice someone has lost weight, maybe just tell them how fabulous you think they look. For the record, I am SO grateful for all of the "Atta girl!!" comments I've gotten from friends and family. Your encouragement has given me a huge boost in confidence. 

I've given praise to the people of B.Fab.Fitness for encouraging me along the way, but let me take a minute to give some props to my biggest cheerleader. Tim has given me all the support I needed. He never tried to sabotage my efforts. At times when my willpower just wasn't strong enough during a 24 Day Challenge and I was ready to drive to Sonic, he would encourage me to stick to my goal, instead of saying, "It's just a milkshake! You can work it off later!" Ladies, let me tell you something about this man. Tim is the same person today that I fell in love with 24 years ago, and that's a person that rarely if ever gives commentary on physical appearance. Whether it's watching TV or movies together or out together on a date, I never hear about how beautiful other women are, unless I'M the one to bring it up. Men, let me tell you why that is SO important: When Tim tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, I don't feel the need to doubt it or compare myself to some supermodel he's always going on and on about. Our young girls will never believe us when we tell them that they're beautiful just the way they are, if we're constantly critiquing the physical appearance of other women. Trust me on this. I wanted to get in better shape for ME, not because I thought that's what my husband would want. He thought I was sexy last year, and he thinks I'm sexy now (just maybe a little more so). But mostly what makes me a little more sexy to him today is the confidence I've gained in the last several months. Being comfortable in your own skin, THAT is sexy. After decades of struggling with my self confidence, I think I'm finally turning a corner. 

A Change Is Gonna Come (Part 1)

Since you're all following me on Facebook, you are well aware that I've been on a rather important quest this year. Over the last 20 years, I've slowly gained pounds here and there. For a long time, I did little more than bitch about it. I'd toyed with the idea of doing something, but a lackadaisical commitment to walking and looking up healthy recipes on Pinterest weren't doing the trick. I felt tired all the time, constantly napping. I hated the way I looked. I was tired of having to shop for bigger sizes. My confidence was in the toilet, despite having a husband that never fails to tell me how sexy he thinks I am. And while I'd felt all of these things for years, something finally clicked for me. I turned 40. And I started to realize that if I didn't get serious now, my body would only continue to go downhill from here. If my current state was as good as it gets, that was not good enough for me. And God knows I had genetics working against me. With a history of heart disease and diabetes in my family, I needed to nip this in the bud like, yesterday. So many people have asked me what I'm doing and how I've been successful, that I thought I'd share some of the details of my journey. I also have thoughts to share about how this has affected me emotionally and physically, comments I'm getting these days, and body shaming. But that will come in another post, because y'all don't want to read a novel in one sitting, am I right?!

Exercise:

I'm a cheapskate. I figured I'd just walk around my neighborhood for free or just look up some exercises on Pinterest that I could do at home. But my husband knows me too well, maybe because he struggles with this, too. I am not self-motivated in this area. Tim had been going to a Crossfit gym for well over a year. By actually going somewhere and getting to know the people there, he is held accountable and encouraged. And having shelled out some money, meant he was likely to follow through and show up. Putting some skin in the game, if you will. (Man, I hate this analogy. Any sports related analogy, actually. It just seemed to fit, though.) He and one of my best friends who's also a Crossfitter had told me about some of the workouts, and exercising nearly to the point of vomiting. That did not at all sound enticing to me. I knew I'd need to find something effective, but that I'd like enough to keep at it. So, as one does, I polled my friends on Facebook: Where do you work out? I was given a few different suggestions, but the one that sounded the most interesting to me was a Zumba-esque class through B.Fab.Fitness. There are 2 styles of classes offered there: The .body class is more toning and sculpting, while the .funk class is all high energy hip-hop-style dancing. 

I went to my first .body class on January 6th. In a class full of toned, spandex-clad women, I was by far the frumpiest in my large t-shirt and yoga pants. But the instructors were welcoming and encouraging, telling me to take it easy as a beginner and not try too hard to keep up with everyone else's pace. I set up my mat at the back of the room. During the opening warm-up of plank exercises that lasted about 3 minutes, I could hold a plank for all of 10 seconds before dropping to my mat. Then during the cardio warm-up, I was good for about 15 seconds of jumping jacks. I was more out-of-shape than I thought! It was a tough class, but I made it through. Even though it was a bigger challenge than I anticipated, I knew it would help me achieve the results I wanted. The next day, I went to my first .funk class. Talk about a fish out of water! I went to the back of the room, almost hugging the wall, and tried to stay out of everyone's way. Growing up in a culture of "thou shalt not dance" (where my CofC girls at?!), I am FAR from a natural at this stuff. I was a total spaz, and the wall of mirrors confirmed that fact. BUT, that was the most fun workout I have EVER done! I was hooked! 

It was still winter, and I wasn't needed at the garden center yet, so I was able to attend classes 4 days a week. After 6 weeks, I could stay in a plank for about 30 seconds in .body class, before feeling the need to reset for a few seconds and go again. I could make it through all of the jumping jacks, and just about all of the exercises thrown at me (with some modifications for my stupid, old back). My arms were getting stronger and slimmer, and my gut was getting a little smaller. In .funk class, I started to get more comfortable with the routines with some repetition. I worked my way off of the back row to about the middle of the room. And while the mirrors made me uncomfortable to begin with, I began to appreciate being able to see whether or not I was correctly executing the dance moves. 

Food:

My biggest weakness is bread and sweets. I can NOT tell you how very jealous I am of people that say, "I just don't care for sweets really". Tim had been trying to eat a low or no-carb diet for months, but I'd dug in my heels, refusing to give up my beloved bread. But I realized bread and sugar were my biggest vices, so I'd have to cut back if I really wanted to shed some weight. I LOVE my coffee, but only with copious amounts of sugar ("I like my sugar with coffee and cream" -Beastie Boys). I refer to this as my "sugar-shock coffee". I used a flavored creamer AND I added in more sugar. I decided to use just my flavored creamer (baby steps, people) and cut out the extra sugar. I cut out the nighttime snacking as well, or if I really needed something, I tried low-calorie naturally sweetened popcorn, or something with protein, like a spoonful of peanut butter. Poor kids; no more Oreos in the house. And before they even went on sale, I announced that there would be NO GIRL SCOUT COOKIES this year, to much weeping and gnashing of teeth (Reagan decided to buy a box with her own money and keep them in her room). For breakfast, I ate protein bars, for lunch, humus or salads. I cut down on pasta and other starchy foods at dinner. Tim and I ate more meat and veggies. The kids refused to get on this game plan, so most nights, they had to fend for themselves. I started buying more organic, less processed foods. In April, one of the .body class instructors encouraged me to try a 24 Day Challenge through Advocare. It's 24 days of eating healthy and taking supplements. I was introduced to Spark: a drink fortified with vitamins that is sugar-free and has CAFFEINE. I have replaced my sweetened coffee with this. I now treat myself to coffee only on Saturdays. For part of the challenge, you are given breakfast shakes with lots of vitamins and protein. I really like the chocolate mocha ones! I do usually feel hungry again mid-morning, so I drink an 8oz V-8 Fusion. I have done 2 of these challenges now. I love how they get me on track when I fall back into unhealthy eating habits. I'm sure I'll need another one after all of those holiday indulgences I won't be able to resist (pumpkin spiced everything!!!). I'm not a health-food Nazi. I will occasionally buy a pack of Oreos, order pizza, drink wine, eat/drink those things that are SO not healthy. I just do it in moderation now. And I haven't totally broken my addiction to sugar, but I am more picky. I won't eat the store-bought pound cake in the break room just because. If I'm going to have something sweet, I'm going to have something I really enjoy.

I'll let you know how this all worked out in my next post.